Suddenly Broke Up, left very confused, could use some advice

[BigSniffer313]

Hi, im feeling very lost right now and just unsure in general and somehow stumbled upon this form.

My partner (F23 wBPD) called me this morning and broke up with me (M25) somewhat suddenly.

We have been dating for almost 8 months at this point and things were going very well. We would go on dates often and we would try to see each other at least once a week. We would sleep over quite frequently so those visits would span 24+ hours. We would text to no ends, and would tell each other "I love you" frequently and we would do small things for one another when we could. We even talked about what the future would look like if we moved in together and got married. We had a very tiny amount of arguments in the past, but we have taken a break previously a few months into our relationship.

Recently life had started getting very stressful for her especially. She's been wanting to go back to school, but her struggles with finances and fasfa is getting in the way. Her coworkers are relatively toxic, as they spread rumors around the store regarding her. And as of last week, we had to go through with an abortion.

This week her texting slowed down a ton. Monday and Tuesday were somewhat normal, but everyday since then she maybe texts me once a day and ghosts me for a while after. While I was at work today she gave me a call wanting to break up. Her reasonings being "I just dont think I have the space in my life to care for anyone right now", "I just want to focus on school and work and I dont think I can give you the time you deserve", "I think I just lost feelings for you", and " I dont think I can see a future with you." Hearing all these things felt like getting stabbed, and them happening so suddenly didnt help. She said that she started doubting the relationship once the abortion happened.

We have taken a break before, and it was due to her being overwhelmed in life. We went no contact for a full month, got back together, and talked things out and tried to reconcile. And things were going great, up till today.

She says she has "high functioning" BPD, I have never been with someone who has had BPD so I tried to research as much as I could about BPD during our relationship because I wanted to make sure shes comfortable.

I love her more than anything, and Im willing to give her as much space and time as she needs. But I also dont know if this is it for real.

 I just dont know what to do/think now. I'm not sure if this is connected to the BPD relationship cycle. Im not sure if I should hold on to hope to get back together with her. I could really use some support.

(Sorry for everything being scattered around in the text, im just really scatter brained right now)

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family.  I'm very sorry your relationship has taken a sudden turn.  I could only imagine how stressful an abortion would be to a BPD young woman.

Is she in any type of counseling right now?  What was the last breakup over?

[BigSniffer313]

Thank you for replying!

The first break happened because she was feeling overwhelmed with life. With work, financial stresses, her tire popping on the highway, and friendships faltering. She wanted to split because she "couldn't handle a relationship" and was "better off alone."

We took a month break and got back together and tried to work things out.

That was nearly 4 months into our relationship, and it happened again at 8 months now.

[BigSniffer313]

Sorry for the double reply, completely missed the other question.

No she is not in any kind of counseling

[Pook075]

Thank you for replying!

The first break happened because she was feeling overwhelmed with life. With work, financial stresses, her tire popping on the highway, and friendships faltering. She wanted to split because she "couldn't handle a relationship" and was "better off alone."

We took a month break and got back together and tried to work things out.

That was nearly 4 months into our relationship, and it happened again at 8 months now.

That's common for people w/ BPD- it's easier for them to become overwhelmed and just walk away from everything.  I'm really sorry you're going through this in what seems like out of the blue.

What are you doing on your end to weather this storm?  Do you have friends of family you can lean on?  Are you getting out of the house some?

[BigSniffer313]

I've just been trying to keep busy on my end. Focusing on going to the gym, work, and hanging out with friends.

In all honesty, im managing much better this time around than when we had our break. I do get waves of sadness, but I try not to let them last too long. Just remembering her say that "the feelings are gone" did a number on me, but I try not to let it get to me.

[once removed]

She said that she started doubting the relationship once the abortion happened.

this is unfortunately a common ender of relationships in general, not limited to bpd, but weve seen a lot of similar stories here.

it is a huge emotional undertaking. for anyone, it can shatter them. it can create feelings of shame. of grief. it can rock your sense of self.

it can also create an association with the relationship that can be hard, if possible, to get beyond.

We have taken a break before, and it was due to her being overwhelmed in life.

if this has happened before, it can happen again. whether it will or not isnt something anyone can really know, but it tells you its a possibility.

do you have any proximity, such as places youd see her, mutual friends, etc?

[BigSniffer313]

Unfortunately we do not have any sort of proximity. We already lived somewhat far from each other so it is very unlikely for us to bump into each other. The mutual friends we have were introduced through my end, i'm not sure if shed be willing to keep up with them due to that. She has removed/blocked me off of socials because "it would be hard for you and me to see one another post, no matter how rare it is for us."

In her words, during our first break she still wanted to talk to me everyday, but now she doesnt mind being able to talk to me. The sudden shift between the last 2 weeks is so discombobulating, im not sure what to think anymore.

A big part of me hopes/believes/knows we can reconvene because we've done it once before, but another part of me is scared and wonders "is this it?"

The shift of planning our future together to "I cant see a future with you" is whats taking a toll on me the most. I want to believe that this is due to all the stress in her life happening right now, but im just unsure.