Need help...

[kitty47]

Hello,
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. He has never been diagnosed with BPD but nothing else makes any sense to me as to what he has. He gets angry... .no enraged with me over either not being able to communicate and not caring about his feelings at all, not understanding him at all, i go to far when i bring up something that is bothering me that he did. I am not allowed to talk at all about anything that is bad even if i'm just trying to solve it or tell him how i feel or try to help him get over it. He pushes everything aside and tells me i should move on before he gets enraged again or even more than he is at the present moment of just bringing up the subject. And he apparently is over whatever happened if i just sit there quietly, even if i'm about to burst into tears about what happened. Then he'll all of a sudden and only if i'm quiet he'll start to act happy and ok. He tells me i'm the problem, of which i do have ADHD and it does make it more difficult sometimes, i had no idea i was so bad at it. How can i tell if it's the truth that i am the problem or if i'm not? I love him more than anything and i'd do anything to make it better between us. What can i do?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[WifeOfProbableBP]

You are not the problem. But to look at it more realistically, pretend that you have a close friend & she is basically living your life instead of you. You go have dinner with her & she is upset & is venting to you about all these problems she's having in her relationship. What advice would you give your friend? Do you think it's her fault? Would you tell her she needs to make some changes & be a better partner? Or, would you say, "What a jerk!" "You don't deserve that!"
Maybe that can help you look at things from an outside perspective.