Vulnerable to his pleas...

[chillamom]

Hi, all, I've been pretty darn LC with my diagnosed BPD/NPDexbf since our final breakup in December. He has been attempting to  charm me back consistently and I've been rattled but okay. Now sadly my father is dying in the hospital (docs say it will be hours or days) and sensing my vulnerability, the ex has stepped up his attempts to see me and I am feeling so sad and lonely despite the support of friends and family that I can feel myself weakening.  He's saying all the kind things of course but I sense it's like a shark who smells blood.  Any advice to stay strong and resist the desire for comfort when one is in a very weakened state?

[roberto516]

I'm sorry about your father  I can't tell you what to do. But I would continue to surround yourself with friends and family that love you. That is where your comfort should lie. I put my comfort in my ex when my grandpop died and she turned around and left because I was depressed less than 3 weeks later. Please don't suffer two griefs like I did. Allow yourself to be loved by those who you know love you and take solace in that.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey chillamom, I suggest that you listen to your gut feelings.  You sense the he's trying to manipulate you while you are in a vulnerable place.  He probably is, so don't fall for it.  You could tell him you'll get back to him after the crisis with your father subsides.  In the meantime, suggest you avoid putting extra stress on yourself by seeing him in the midst of your pain and loss.

LuckyJim

[JaxWest]

Hi, all, I've been pretty darn LC with my diagnosed BPD/NPDexbf since our final breakup in December. He has been attempting to  charm me back consistently and I've been rattled but okay. Now sadly my father is dying in the hospital (docs say it will be hours or days) and sensing my vulnerability, the ex has stepped up his attempts to see me and I am feeling so sad and lonely despite the support of friends and family that I can feel myself weakening.  He's saying all the kind things of course but I sense it's like a shark who smells blood.  Any advice to stay strong and resist the desire for comfort when one is in a very weakened state?

Don't do it. Stay strong. Don't let him back in. That is how my ex BPD got me sucked back in a few years ago. My dad was on hospice, so I rationalized things. Stay focused on being there for your dad, family and yourself. Ignore the BPD.

[AustenJ]

I can tell you are healing as you are concerned about this being a manipulation... .so you have grown... .don't be too harsh on yourself... .take a breath

I think you may be spot on about the manipulation... .before I began no contact, the ex convinced me that she needed to fly to New York to spend time with an ex-boyfriend so she could help him do an intervention with his alcoholic father... .I fell for it... .and, of course, it was a ruse as she only spent 10 minutes maybe with his father and spent the rest of the time on a romantic ski trip with the ex.  My exBPDgf may have convinced herself that she was going there for a good cause, but I ultimately felt very manipulated.

You ex may not feel like he is manipulating you but is instead supporting you... .but we now know, now that the FOG is lifting, that this is manipulation and although it may feel good in the moment, it will only set you back in your journey to recovery. Hang in there! We are here to support you!

[Sadly]

Hey Chiilamom
Am so sorry, it is very hard and my heart goes out to you. Surround yourself with those who truly care and come here when you can. You need your friends and family as they need you in this bad time.  You don't need someone who seeks to feel good about himself on the back of your sadness.  Remember, silence is better than listening to lies or hearing words that have no meaning. 
Love to you and yours
Sadly x