confused

[saddaddy992]

As I read about BPD, I find that I may have many of these traits. My wife was diagnosed wife BPD, we are currently separated with protection orders in place. We have had fights and arguments before a rocky past. I always end up begging for her to stay because I love her and want her. I just recently started therapy, at first just to prevent a split up, which didn't work. At this time I'm not really sure about my role, BP or non BP , I could go bothways. I love my wife and want her back, but I can't talk to her. Help please

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

I'm sorry that you had to find these boards, but, at the same time, glad that you reached out. Many of us, myself included, have experienced what you describe, and you are not alone.

There was a point that I believed my uBPDexgf, and thought that I was the one who was disordered. It's a really common thing to have happen to a non. We hear the lies so often that we start to believe them. We get convinced that we are horrible people and our self-esteem gets annihilated.

Many, again, myself included, start to act in ways that go against our nature because we learn that is how we should react. That does not mean that we are disordered. It means that we have learned the wrong lessons.

The good news there is that we can relearn. We can re-build our esteem and act differently.

There are several, basic lessons in the sidebar at the right. We're here to support you. Please let us know how we can best do that.

How long you and your wife been together/married? Do you have any children?

I look forward to reading more of your story.

[Mutt]

Hi saddaddy992,  



I'd like to join Meili and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties that you're going through, many people with BPD have different traits of the disorder and severity as well, many people can have a trait or two of BPD and they don't have enough traits to be diagnosed with the disorder. You're working with a T, ask your T if they're trained in CBT to help you with your traits. I can understand the confusion with which roles you play in the r/s. here's another angle to come from, think about being the person that changes the dynamic of the r/s by doing self work and changing themselves and letting go of the idea that the other person has to change, it takes one person to change a r/s, be that person.