Was your exBPD a classicBPD or waifBPD?

[AlternateReality]

Male or female?

Female

Mine was defiantly a waif...   I only saw violent emotional lashing out episodes a few times when she was deeply triggered...   I am curious if there are male waifBPD out there...

[heartandwhole]

I am curious if there are male waifBPD out there...

Yes. I'd say the pwBPD I was involved with was more a waif-type. No rages, very introspective, sensitive/artistic, etc.

I'm not sure there is a "classic" pwBPD. While there are common features and patterns of behavior, it is a spectrum disorder and each person is unique, with a one-of-a-kind blend of personality characteristics. 

heartandwhole

[AlternateReality]

HeartAndwhole,

Thanks so i guess there are male waif's types out there... I find it interesting because the dominate personality characteristics of my exBPD (Before diagnosed) was that she was extremely sensitive and very self centered.  I guess i thought men would tend to gravitate toward more toward violent outbursts by nature.

what were his more dominate personality characteristics if you had met him and did not know his disorder...

[heartandwhole]

what were his more dominate personality characteristics if you had met him and did not know his disorder...

Hi AR,

Well, I didn't know of his diagnosis when I met him. He seemed very intelligent, kind, interesting, funny, etc... .just like many men I had met in my life. Since BPD lies on a spectrum and the symptoms are triggered by intimacy/closeness, it can easily be missed at first glance, or if the relationship is not very close (i.e., colleagues, friends).

It's not black and white, is it? Like just about everything in life. 

heartandwhole

[Aesir]

My ex was a mixture of waif and classic.  She was very sensitive and thin skinned but when she was triggered she could be cruel. She also very selfish.

[RomanticFool]

I think my exBPD married lover was part waif, part hermit and part classic. She was never violent or aggressive face to face, but often aggressive in texts and always passive aggressive. Ultra sensitive (she always cried face to face at the slightest perceived criticism by me) and artistic with little sense of humour or irony. She was also extremely selfish, even though she worked for a well known suicide prevention organisation.

The hermit part of her came in because she and her husband worked together from home and she was fearful of going out during her drinking days. She would often tell me via text that she was stuck inside bored and lonely. When I asked her if the thought of meeting me made her feel any better, she often said 'not really.' Occasionally she said it did which kept me coming back and my fantasy alive.

The classic part was her unpredictability and she had no impulse control, especially with drink and spending. Despite being well off when I first met her, she was in dire financial straights by the end of our relationship. She would also disappear for days on end with no word and resurface with one excuse after another ie  'My husband found out about us, I was away with my daughter or I had to go into a mental health institution for a week.' I have no idea if any of it was true.