My Mom has BPD

[Robbyrose]

My mother was diagnosed with BPD a number of years ago by my therapist, but I never really understood what it meant until recently. My younger sister died last week which created very disturbing family issues between my mother and my sisters children and her husband and my 2 other siblings and their families.

My parents, 3 siblings, their families have not spoken to me and my family inc my wife and 3 children for 12 year's until they needed money to send to my destitute parents. My parents shunned us for 12 years. My wife did not want to send money until she saw all the parents finances. She facilitated for my parents to move from an apartment in Florida near my brother that they could not afford to a nursing home in New York near my 2 sisters and that Medicaid covers 100%.  There is no more financial pressure on any of the siblings now.

My sister that passed away last week recognized 3 years ago how horrible my mothers been. She and I reconciled, but no one else. My mother has been acting out horribly since my sister got cancer-saying "why did she do this to herself?" and forcing grandchildren to bring her to the hospital when she was not wanted. Not crying at the funeral but whaling before the funeral to get these disgusting mean people (referring to us) out of here. So sad.

My brother and his children how mentally ill  my mother is and decisive. Everyone feels betrayed by her.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Robbyrose:    

Welcome to the Community!

I'm so sorry about the passing of your sister.  I'm glad that you reconciled with her, prior to her passing.  

Sounds like you have been through a lot, with your BPD mom.  A death in the family is tough for the healthiest of families, but when there is mental illness in the family, there can be a lot of problem behaviors.  It's unfortunate the way your mom behaved in regard to your sister, during her illness, and then at her funeral.

Your wife deserves a hug for facilitating her move to nursing home and helping to resolve the financial difficulties.  Does your father have any mental issues?

Do I understand correctly that your brother and his children are mentally ill?  Personality disorders? depression? anxiety? or another disorder?

We look forward to hearing more of your story.  You might find the Survivor's Guide in the right-hand margin of value.  If you click on each number, a pop-up window will appear with info.