Do they ever forgive?

[smushed soul]

My first post: My 31 year old step daughter of 29 years has suddenly decided she is not going to be part of our lives? Because of a tiny fight in February. My question is how long does a person with this disorder stay away? Why do they stay away from a loving family that she has had no issues with until now? She cut her Mother out of her life a while back and I have always tried to support their relationship. But now her Dad and I are on the same side of the door as her Mom. She lives with her "boyfriend", he wants to kick her out, but she has no where to go;he told her she needs to move but she has decided he is going to help her a shared apt. But he says he has no intentions of doing that. He is sick of her, constant dramatic negative self centered behavior. He comes over to talk with us all the time, of course he doesn't tell her or she would say who's side are you on? But there are no sides? We have apologized and offered family counseling. But she will only text us she refuses to come over even for her Dad's and her Birthdays?
What do we do? I read Walking on Egg Shells and gave it to her boyfriend.

[livednlearned]

Hi smushed soul,

I'm sorry to hear she has decided to stay away. It does sound like she's at least texting, so perhaps her claim that she no longer wants to be in your lives is more her way to express intense pain than a desire to walk away.

Sometimes, a person with BPD needs space to get emotionally regulated again, tho part of the disorder makes it hard to see that this is about their emotions and not our behavior.

It probably isn't really about the fight in February. She may need something and doesn't know how to ask for it. And the rockiness with her current BF probably doesn't help.

What are the texts like?