used and disguarded after 3yrs

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Relationship had all the red flags but I being codependent  thought for sure I was different. Long distance relationship,broken promises,jealous... she graduated went on family vacation came back and basically cut me off... posted pics of her graduation that she didn't invite me to but invited her boy "friends." Three years to be played and cast aside, really sucks my self esteem at lack of empathy or concern... truth.  Realize she can never be in my life ever again.

[exhausted16]

Relationship had all the red flags but I being codependent  thought for sure I was different. Long distance relationship,broken promises,jealous... she graduated went on family vacation came back and basically cut me off... posted pics of her graduation that she didn't invite me to but invited her boy "friends." Three years to be played and cast aside, really sucks my self esteem at lack of empathy or concern... truth.  Realize she can never be in my life ever again.

[roberto516]

I'm sorry exhausted. It's tough. I was in it for a year and a half before she cut me off emotionally. Two months later I was recycled for a couple weeks and then discarded. And then periodically given bread crumbs of "what if i want to try again?" only to be discarded once more. It's tough.

Acceptance is what I struggle with. I have to stop thinking of the "what if's". It will kill me. My brain hurts so much from all of this. I just have to keep telling myself "It's over, and it will never be again." And on strong days I add "And I don't want to ever be with her again."

I feel your pain. I feel the "used" part. It's the truth. We were used. But we allowed to happen. Harder to stand up for ourselves after the love bombing. I don't know many people who could resist that. But it is what it is. We can either succumb to this or learn a valuable lesson. I know a strong person is inside of me. He existed before. He just needs to come back.

[Doughboy]

Here is something my Counselor shared with me that you might find useful:

"Pxxx, First of all, you are never rude or combative with me and I expect you to disagree with me at this time as there is a fight within you trying to absorb a new perspective----not to worry as I know you are a wonderful man, a fact you will realize in due time. You will continue to wonder if she will contact you as you are mourning the loss of this relationship and wishing that it return. Later, you may recognize that the relationship was always very fragile because one of the key players constructing the relationship is very fragile (her). The text and email are about exhibiting pseudo strength and conviction as she really does not have personal strength given her fragmented sense of self. As you create a more developed life and continue to work on the pieces of yourself where you struggle to feel good about yourself, you will no longer find this relationship which is very one-sided on the giving end acceptable for you. You will only cherish a relationship where there is total reciprocity and dependability. The Christian man stuff is just the buffer she uses willy nilly when the relationship gets to be more than she can tolerate. Continue doing things that are good for you to be a healthier you.

[lovenature]

It is very painful to invest so much of yourself into one of these relationships to end up being so easily replaced.

If she has BPD her intentions were not to use and discard you, problem is when you get too close you trigger the fear of engulfment so you must get hurt and pushed away to soothe that fear, then pulled back to soothe the fear of abandonment. The more you accept and the harder you try to get close and make it work, the worse it gets. When it gets bad enough they either leave or force us too, then make up a reality where we hurt them so much, they then tell their new replacement what a poor victim they are from what we did to them.

Take care of yourself during this painful recovery and remember that you are better off now, even though it is very hard to see at times.