The list gets longer and my pain becomes more

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been over a month now since I spoke to my ex gf BPD. After a 12 month intense relationship. When we were together it was the usual love bombing, 'your the best then that's happened to me', 'I've never loved anyone as much as you' and the usual stuff.

Whilst we were together on occasion she'd go out with her friends to clubs and bars and pick up random men and sleep with them (usually unprotected sex), then apologise to md saying she was in a bad place and that's why she did it. I was crazy and took her back as I thought she loved me.

Since the break up I have it from reliable sources that while we were togethef she slept with 5 other men, and now it's 6 other men (I found out last week). This list seems to be getting longer.

She lied to me saying I was the one,she loved me like no other, our sex life was intense, she wanted to get married. Yet I'm now realising how unfaithful she was.

Yes they have abandonment issues, but when it's going strong and everything's in place, the love the time togethef the sex,  why on earth sleep around so much.

When I feel I can't h's heartbroken any more than I am from this situation, I get this.

Anyone else experience this or any advice as to what on earth was going on with her

[Mavrik]

It's been over a month now since I spoke to my ex gf BPD. After a 12 month intense relationship. When we were together it was the usual love bombing, 'your the best then that's happened to me', 'I've never loved anyone as much as you' and the usual stuff.

Whilst we were together on occasion she'd go out with her friends to clubs and bars and pick up random men and sleep with them (usually unprotected sex), then apologise to md saying she was in a bad place and that's why she did it. I was crazy and took her back as I thought she loved me.

Since the break up I have it from reliable sources that while we were togethef she slept with 5 other men, and now it's 6 other men (I found out last week). This list seems to be getting longer.

She lied to me saying I was the one,she loved me like no other, our sex life was intense, she wanted to get married. Yet I'm now realising how unfaithful she was.

Yes they have abandonment issues, but when it's going strong and everything's in place, the love the time togethef the sex,  why on earth sleep around so much.

When I feel I can't h's heartbroken any more than I am from this situation, I get this.

Anyone else experience this or any advice as to what on earth was going on with her

[Tottie]

I have the same experience, in my case it was emotional cheating most of the times. I think she did sexual cheating too.

About the 'why' it is very hard to say because we do no think disordered. She probably did it to feel loved and wanted. Ofcourse she had your attention and affection, But for a disordered creature it is never enough.

All the idealisation and lovebombing, it is just a way of manipulation to get whats ahe want or need at that moment. She is not capable too love someone, she doesnt even love herself

Also think about the other 5 Guys, she probably lovebombed them too. So she needed 5 different guys? Think about it, she is very ill. Dont take it personal, she has No exclusivity no matter what.

[Mavrik]

Thanks for the reply. It's so painful when I put so much into it and told her so many times I loved her and we chatted all day every day (text chat) and saw each other all the time. Makes me think why it was never enough for her, all the time I put into it, for her to think it wasn't enough

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Mavrik, No, it wasn't enough, because it's never enough for a pwBPD.  You could say that those w/BPD have an emotional black hole.  I would suggest that she wasn't really the person you thought she was, which you are discovering as the list gets longer.  I'm sorry that you're in a lot of pain, though I predict that at some point you will feel grateful to have moved on.  Suggest you try to let it go; it wasn't the kind of love that you thought it was.

LuckyJim

[Tottie]

How did you two connect? When did you discover these actions and How did you k ow?

[roberto516]

Thanks for the reply. It's so painful when I put so much into it and told her so many times I loved her and we chatted all day every day (text chat) and saw each other all the time. Makes me think why it was never enough for her, all the time I put into it, for her to think it wasn't enough

I feel the same way. Thankfully (I guess? ) she didn't cheat on me, flirt with other guys. For all I know, I don't know what she did in Vegas. Anyway, I felt betrayed. How could she not understand I was depressed, and grieving and try to help me through that?

But I believe all the world is a projection. So I was really angry that I betrayed myself. I don't know about you, but I had a lot of times where my thoughts were "How am I going to get out of this?" "I can't stay with this person." Etc. So I betrayed myself. My brain and heart were pleading with me to get away. And I never did. Until she was able to control it, and leave me behind. Just food for thought. But I get the feelings you are expressing. Sometimes I wish I didn't. Hang in there my friend.  

[Mavrik]

Thanks roberto,

We worked together and she ended after a big blow out at work, she then verbally attacked a manager and committed career suicide and was fired.

Its been rubbish at work since she left and I've been trying to get out ever since, and have now got a transfer so maybe a move away will help with recovery. I'm missing her so much recently, but avoiding contact, but I so so miss her.

Tottie we both met at work, went out for my birthday and ended the night kissing and it went from there.

She would regularly end the relationship for all of 2 to 3 days and in that time she'd go to a club, lie about her age, take men home, have unprotected sex then tell me what she'd done.

As we were both seeing each other at work we kept it quiet and people (I trust and believe) would tell me she's been boasting about the men she'd been sleeping with, where and when she met them) I challenged her about this and she didn't deny it, now the relationship ended there are men at work (still don't know we were in a relationship) telling me they had been with her.

I should hate her for the pain she caused me, but I miss her deerly

[Lucky Jim]

now the relationship ended there are men at work (still don't know we were in a relationship) telling me they had been with her.

Hello again, Mavrik, I'm sorry -- this sounds hard and it must be extremely uncomfortable for you to hear this stuff at work.  I wonder whether you are focusing on her good qualities without giving the same consideration to her negative traits.  There's a tendency after a b/u to put one's Ex on a pedestal; whereas the reality is often more balanced.  Suggest you remind yourself of the negatives, too, in order to be fair to her and yourself.

LuckyJim