BPD and eating disorders, personal hygiene issues

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am certain that my MIL has BPD, although refuses to go to a therapist. ( in fact, she had an appointment set after being referred from another dr, and caused a big scene over the phone with the receptionist the day before. She then refused to keep her appt.)

I am wondering if anybody has noticed your BPD family members having trouble with their personal hygiene and/ or eating disorders?

My MIL is 73 and has likely not brushed her hair in the entire 5 years that I have known her. She has it in a braid/ ponytail that seems to have turned into one large matted dredlock. She wraps her head in a scarf like a peasant from a historical painting, which gets odd looks in public.

She has been talking about getting her hair done for as long as Ive known her, but refers to going to a luxury place and that it will cost over  $500 ( in her words) She has no real income, so that is simply unrealistic. She is very snooty about things like this, yet walks around with a scarf on her head to cover the mats. It is actually very sad.

She is obsessed with my husband's (34 yrs old)  hair (which has the same course texture as hers) and gives him hundreds of hair smoothing products every time we see her. ( I suspect thagvahe shoplifts them)I have seen her sneak attack and slap hair cream on his head as he walked by her! She alao forced him to let her cut his hair herself  and give him chemical treatments to make his hair flat, until he met me and I validated ro him how crazy that was!

We set a hair appintment for her with our hair stylist on a day we kbew she woukd be in town, as a nice gesture because we know she cant afford it. Our stylist knows the situation and is very reasonable with pricing, and even scheduled her alone for several hours so she wouldn't be embarrassed. Of course she found a reason to leave early to avoid going to the hair salon.

In addition to her hair, she does not bathe or shower, or brush her teeth. She only has a few teeth and dentures, but doesnt clean those either. Early in our relationship I asked my now husband if she ever bathed, because our towels were the only ones wver used while staying at her house, and she never seemed to use the tub ir shower. He said she didnt but he doesnt ask her about it! She does smell terrible and has told us about having bed sores.

In addition to never seeing her make a move to shower, we NEVER see her eat  any real food. We see her eat popsicles and sweets, but never real food. If we go out to eat she complains that anything on her plate that ahe ordered is terrible, or doesnt eat at all. She is quick to rant about us eating too much sugar or red meat, or anything of the moment that she decides is unhealthy ( we are mostly vegetarian, so this doesnt apply) In fact she brings a bag of granulated sugar any time she visits to us since we dont buy it, and  leaves it with us, and even bought us a sugar dish ( which remains empty!) I have a lot of digestive issues, and suddenly, she does now also. She told us she had to have an "emergency colonoscopy" but never did. I had just had one recently so I wonder if she is trying to compete for attention. I asked her about it bevause sadly, its somethingvI thought we had in common, but she seemed to have forgotten that she even told me she had to have one in the first place, and she quickly changed the subject.

We have worried about her eating habits for years, but recently asked her nephew who lives with her, if he sees her eat. He said that he thinks she eats fast food while driving around all day. If she was my mother, I would try to be mire direct with her about improving these habits for her health, but everybody is scared to provoke her. I understand that, because she will not listen to anyone, but at some point, its about her health. I feel it would be overstepping my boundaries to call Adult Protective Services.

Has anyone experienced similar issues with your family members?

[BLOOMood]

I am certain that my MIL has BPD, although refuses to go to a therapist. ( in fact, she had an appointment set after being referred from another dr, and caused a big scene over the phone with the receptionist the day before. She then refused to keep her appt.)

I am wondering if anybody has noticed your BPD family members having trouble with their personal hygiene and/ or eating disorders?

My MIL is 73 and has likely not brushed her hair in the entire 5 years that I have known her. She has it in a braid/ ponytail that seems to have turned into one large matted dredlock. She wraps her head in a scarf like a peasant from a historical painting, which gets odd looks in public.

She has been talking about getting her hair done for as long as Ive known her, but refers to going to a luxury place and that it will cost over  $500 ( in her words) She has no real income, so that is simply unrealistic. She is very snooty about things like this, yet walks around with a scarf on her head to cover the mats. It is actually very sad.

She is obsessed with my husband's (34 yrs old)  hair (which has the same course texture as hers) and gives him hundreds of hair smoothing products every time we see her. ( I suspect thagvahe shoplifts them)I have seen her sneak attack and slap hair cream on his head as he walked by her! She alao forced him to let her cut his hair herself  and give him chemical treatments to make his hair flat, until he met me and I validated ro him how crazy that was!

We set a hair appintment for her with our hair stylist on a day we kbew she woukd be in town, as a nice gesture because we know she cant afford it. Our stylist knows the situation and is very reasonable with pricing, and even scheduled her alone for several hours so she wouldn't be embarrassed. Of course she found a reason to leave early to avoid going to the hair salon.

In addition to her hair, she does not bathe or shower, or brush her teeth. She only has a few teeth and dentures, but doesnt clean those either. Early in our relationship I asked my now husband if she ever bathed, because our towels were the only ones wver used while staying at her house, and she never seemed to use the tub ir shower. He said she didnt but he doesnt ask her about it! She does smell terrible and has told us about having bed sores.

In addition to never seeing her make a move to shower, we NEVER see her eat  any real food. We see her eat popsicles and sweets, but never real food. If we go out to eat she complains that anything on her plate that ahe ordered is terrible, or doesnt eat at all. She is quick to rant about us eating too much sugar or red meat, or anything of the moment that she decides is unhealthy ( we are mostly vegetarian, so this doesnt apply) In fact she brings a bag of granulated sugar any time she visits to us since we dont buy it, and  leaves it with us, and even bought us a sugar dish ( which remains empty!) I have a lot of digestive issues, and suddenly, she does now also. She told us she had to have an "emergency colonoscopy" but never did. I had just had one recently so I wonder if she is trying to compete for attention. I asked her about it bevause sadly, its somethingvI thought we had in common, but she seemed to have forgotten that she even told me she had to have one in the first place, and she quickly changed the subject.

We have worried about her eating habits for years, but recently asked her nephew who lives with her, if he sees her eat. He said that he thinks she eats fast food while driving around all day. If she was my mother, I would try to be mire direct with her about improving these habits for her health, but everybody is scared to provoke her. I understand that, because she will not listen to anyone, but at some point, its about her health. I feel it would be overstepping my boundaries to call Adult Protective Services.

Has anyone experienced similar issues with your family members?

[Turkish]

I finally called APS on my mother.  Well, it by proxy when a deputy called me after she called the police on me accusing me of stealing her purse.  The deputy saw her living conditions. I suggested he call APS. He did,  and she was assigned a social worker.

My mom lived for many years in a filthy hoard, like the worst versions of the TV show.  Hygiene issues were similar.  When she would visit,  back when she was able to drive,  she reeked of tobacco smoke, mildew, and animal waste.  She'd get angry if anyone mentioned it. 

Part of the APS criteria is if an elderly person is a danger to themselves or is unable to take care of themselves properly.  Though wimped out and should have reported her myself at least 5 years earlier, it was a huge burden lifted to know that professionals were involved. 

Maybe you can make an anonymous call to the local APS office and describe the situation.

I'm sorry that you are going through this.  I understand how nerve wracking it is.