Working through it all

[Xorp Sixela]

So my mother has an extreme case BPD. My grandmother has helped me out now that i am older and i have been going through "Stop Walking on Eggshells" my second time. She used me as a punching bagg for all her pain while I grew up. It': hard trying to figure out the reality of my life and the fake workd she created; what are really issues for me and what are projections. She has manipulated my whole family into believing that I am a bunch of things i am not. I get phone calls almost daily full of lectures and reproach over things I never did. Even though I am on the other side of the states she still finds ways to hurt me. Luckil my husband is super supportive and understanding, but some real crap happened when he "took my side" crap that has changed the very man i fell in love with. It is finally getting to thr point where my wonderful younger subblings are starting to see things; all of the sudden i am no longer a demon. But it's still pretty bad. My drs tell me i have PTSD from all the crap i had to go through as a child. I'm afraid of life outside my husband and I. My dog is my best confort and i don'5 wanna go anywhere without him. I don't know how to get over the pain that she caused me and is still inflicting. I want her out of my life forever but she is my mom... .i should try to make something work right? But she will always want me to take accountability for the consistant amount of BS that she makes up that I "did". I am at a loss and don't have the money to pay for a counselore. So i work through the nightmares and try to forgive all the people who stand by her side trying to comvince me to change.

[Kwamina]

Hi Xorp Sixela

I am sorry your mother's behavior has affected you so. It can indeed be very difficult dealing with the stress often involved when having a BPD family-member. I am glad you doe have support from your grandmother and husband. Are you talking about your maternal gradnmother and how does she view your mother's behavior? Does she also think your mother has BPD?

I want her out of my life forever but she is my mom... .i should try to make something work right?

How you decide to move forward this relationship is totally up to you. I think the most important things is having firm boundaries with your mother and being willing and able to defende/enforce those boundaries when necessary.

You mention PTSD in your post. Many of our members have struggled with (c)PTSD. We have a thread here that I encourage you to take a look at:
Dealing with trauma: PTSD, C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks

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