BPD ex made me feel unsure during the fallout

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

We were arguing and she said she wanted to be single (over the phone) and maybe one day we could get back together and then I said if she wanted this I didn't and would start dating... .She then stopped and said ok but you better remember your words right now ... .this made me gulp. This is the nervous feeling shes always given me for 3 years.  And it makes me feel guilty now if I were to go on a dating site - even if it's just to talk to the opposite sex and feel  normal again. I feel stuck when She s yelled it nice and clear she wants to be single.

Can anyone give me their thoughts on this and what I should do.l?

[epicdaydream]

We were arguing and she said she wanted to be single (over the phone) and maybe one day we could get back together and then I said if she wanted this I didn't and would start dating... .She then stopped and said ok but you better remember your words right now ... .this made me gulp. This is the nervous feeling shes always given me for 3 years.  And it makes me feel guilty now if I were to go on a dating site - even if it's just to talk to the opposite sex and feel  normal again. I feel stuck when She s yelled it nice and clear she wants to be single.

Can anyone give me their thoughts on this and what I should do.l?

[JaxDK]

I can tell you what I would do. I would cut my losses. I would tell her, that being "single" is just another word for wanting to date others. I would give my blessing and tell her she doesn't deserve me and not to contact me again.

Then I would go NC. This is based on your previous posts. That toxic dance you two are doing is very unhealthy for both of you. You have written previously you have been physically and emotionally abused by her. No relationship is worth risking your mental health over.


I can't tell you what YOU should do. Maybe ask yourself why you are drawn to all this chaos. You can't change nor control her. No action or reaction is going to get an outcome you can have control over. Having this line of thinking is just going to drive you crazy. You can control you, that's it


You're an awesome guy with a lot to offer. Don't waste all that is great about you on somebody who's intent is to break your spirit, self respect and your self esteem. You also have to stop seeking advice from enablers in your life. It is not your job to stick it out and fix this girl. You can't.

[epicdaydream]

Thanks for the follow up. Yes I was physically and mentally abused. I didn't understand or know BPD I just knew she had problems. I wanted to be her hero and fix them but killed myself trying. She threatened me all the time this was the last jab.

I already told her I never want to see or hear from her again yesterday. She ddint even respond. I am at nc and habe zero intentions to break it. I  deserve more than this treatment.

She said single to me. I'm taking it as She s dating but wants me in the backburner. I'm going to do what I feel and not consider her feelings anymore. Too long doing this. Thank you.

I can tell you what I would do. I would cut my losses. I would tell her, that being "single" is just another word for wanting to date others. I would give my blessing and tell her she doesn't deserve me and not to contact me again.

Then I would go NC. This is based on your previous posts. That toxic dance you two are doing is very unhealthy for both of you. You have written previously you have been physically and emotionally abused by her. No relationship is worth risking your mental health over.


I can't tell you what YOU should do. Maybe ask yourself why you are drawn to all this chaos. You can't change nor control her. No action or reaction is going to get an outcome you can have control over. Having this line of thinking is just going to drive you crazy. You can control you, that's it

[Lost-love-mind]

My exBPD sent me an email after our first breakup after 4 weeks saying I should never been allowed to call her gf so quickly. We got back together and 4 weeks later I asked in an email if it was ok to refer to us in a relationship and she said she was not offended. Then the next week she ended it.
I've learned that BPD s can be afraid of intimacy due to their past relationships and/or trauma event.
Just try to accept, like I have, you can't make someone want to be with you.
My exBPD was on and off a dating website for the 2 mos we have been done. Every time she is off the site I think of her with someone else. Oh well, if she finally finds the perfect guy, be happy for her. Based on her track record of broken marriages?
You know what? It's none of my business. I'm slowly learning to accept the whatever we had as a learning experience and move on.

[epicdaydream]

Funny, i randomly signed up to a dating site just to see and look she was the first person to popup on me. It hurt me and i even wrote "thank you for confirming this. may god give you what you deserve". I know maybe i should of held it together, and i know that i deserve better than this but i started to think of everything sacrifice and thing i did, every moment for her and how for 3 years i have not had a me moment. I went and confidently signed up to my own dating profile but to be honest, i may cancel, i simply don't feel like it, its more of a job right now and i'm not in that place and i don't want to hurt anyone else.

Just thought I'd share this. If i had a time machine i'd go back and stop myself from ever meeting this woman.

My exBPD sent me an email after our first breakup after 4 weeks saying I should never been allowed to call her gf so quickly. We got back together and 4 weeks later I asked in an email if it was ok to refer to us in a relationship and she said she was not offended. Then the next week she ended it.
I've learned that BPD s can be afraid of intimacy due to their past relationships and/or trauma event.
Just try to accept, like I have, you can't make someone want to be with you.
My exBPD was on and off a dating website for the 2 mos we have been done. Every time she is off the site I think of her with someone else. Oh well, if she finally finds the perfect guy, be happy for her. Based on her track record of broken marriages?
You know what? It's none of my business. I'm slowly learning to accept the whatever we had as a learning experience and move on.