Poll: So, how did your relationship end...

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Why did your relationship end (what was reoccurring problem that sunk the relationship) and who ended the relationship (see poll above).

Please share your story.


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[blueblue12]

My ex wife left me after ten years together. I was told that I was "too controlling, insecure, jealous." The fact that she destroyed the relationship at the end, going off with someone else without disclosing it and pushing hard to finally close everything by selling the family home did not elicit any feelings of wrongdoing on her part. She came back contacting me crazily two months later as I was "the love of her life" and she had "made a mistake."

[Duffer09]

I left my uBPDgf, but she forced it.  I ended it after she verbally abused me in public for the first time.  It caught me off guard as she was quite pleasant up to that point.  But suddenly some perceived slight I committed 8 hrs previous triggered this public outburst totally without warning.  Apparently, she couldn't wait until we could discuss it privately.  Anyway, after an 8 month rollercoaster, that was enough for me.  The recurring problem was that intimacy triggered anxiety in her.  That anxiety could be reflected by anger or just shutting down.

[sadboi]

I fell in love with a girl and it was the best I've ever felt in my life. From the beginning, we knew she was going to be across the country the following semester, and I told her I couldn't do distance when she was gone, but that I wanted to be with her when she came back. We agreed to this, agreed to still talk while she was gone, but not be in a committed relationship.

When she left, we did still talk but she started doing things that made me feel like she was forcing me into a relationship I didn't want to be in. (also at this time neither of us knew she had BPD so I didn't understand that this was all triggering for her fear of abandonment.) I slept with someone else, which we both had agreed was allowed prior to her leaving given that we weren't in a relationship.

She broke down. Began a lot of self-harm. I was doing my best to take care of her. She ended up in inpatient for trying to kill herself. I told her I couldn't be with her romantically because it didn't seem like the right thing to do with everything going on- I thought she really needed t focus on herself.

For the next few months, I was the biggest support in her life. I tolerated a lot of unfair treatment because I knew she was in a lot of pain, and despite everything, I still cared for her so much. It was all emotionally really terrible for me- I was having nightmares about her killing herself, I would always take care of her when she cut, I developed anxiety. I coped with a lot of what I was feeling by continuing to sleep with the other girl. I never lied to anyone about this.

The whole time, my ex with BPD would beg and beg to be with me for months. Eventually when she seemed to be doing a bit better, I admitted to her that I still loved her and wanted to be with her. She said she felt the same. Because we had both been through so much, we decided to take a little space to work on ourselves and deal with all the pain of everything we'd been through, and that we'd come together afterward and be ready to be together.

 I did this. I spent so much time unpacking my own behavior and learning how to be a supportive partner. I was really trying. Meanwhile, she began to devalue me, and after a month, was in a relationship with someone else.

She broke my heart but we decided to try and still be friends. Her new girlfriend told her she had to make a choice between my friendship or their relationship. She chose their relationship. I'm so sad and devastated, I miss her so much.

[Mutt]

It was the push / pull behaviour that really agitated me because of how it felt like a mixed message. For example, we'd have a huge fight only for it end with her wanting me out of the house, which I would and I'd usually end up staying at family for a few weeks to recharge my batteries. I'd be feeling riled up after a huge fight with the denigration on both sides, the frustration with not being able to communicate constructively and the push / pull behaviour.

So she'd be very angry and hostile and kick me out then I'd receive a call on my cell, she was begging to know when I was coming back. This pattern slowly intensified over the years until I just had enough and I set a boundary down, probably the first real boundary in the r/s. I stuck for myself, something inside me said enough is enough with the negativity all of the time the push / pull behaviour.

I personally feel that was a turning point in the r/s because it was a boundary that I defended and I think she sensed how serious I was. She ended the r/s with me, she started a new r/s while we we're married and she wanted to separate again. We had gone through several separations over the years and it was something that I had expected but we'd always get back together, I didn't know about the other guy she just said she had enough and she was moving on. Ivwas dumbfounded because I didn't think that she understood the seriousness or the impact of her choice on not just her life but on several lives, we were a young family of 6.

What was a traumatic experience at the time when she left turned out to be the the beginning of a new journey one where the story gradually and slowly became better.

[nowwhatz]

Mine just ended a few days ago after many recycles... .2 year layoff 1 year as friends and one month of the final relationship.

Ended badly with her probably cheating on me.  She has improved but the probably cheating cancelled out anything good. Now I have less empathy for her and less compassion, and never want to see her again.

A good thing out of this was that I had super strict boundaries this time around. I guess it was set up to fail but I would not compromise. Once I was in I was in 100% and she failed miserably.

I don’t handle these things well and she paid the price in many ways at the end and still is.

Just hope I can one day release the bad feelings I have for her. I really unloaded on her but had all of my ducks in a row and patiently waited until I had enough information to expose her, without upsetting myself during process... .in fact did my best to enjoy the time with her until it ended.

Been quite a ride.  I guess she was sent into my life for a reason.

I keep seeing here people saying it is a good thing to be able to love a person so much.  After getting burned so badly I ask why.