sorry for being MIA

[lostandconfused6]

As some of you may know I have some fairly serious health problems... .had a stroke in Jan, diagnosed with MS in Feb, and now my neuro thinks I may possibly have a brain aneurysm... .along with taking care of my son working 50-60 hours a week running a company, and my relationship with my BPDbf and studying to take my notary test in dec. I barely have time to even think these days... .I'm only 30 and i'm tired  

sorry about the rambling but now to the point. Today a convo took place between my BPDbf and myself. He was asking me what I feel is the most important thing in our relationship... .I said being open and honest no matter if it's good or bad, basically no lies or hiding anything no matter how big or small. He agreed and said he hates liars and said that he only feels the need to lie when he is lied to. Of course having 10,000 things running through my mind I got caught up and said well then why did you lie to me so much? I have never been dishonest with you and I don't understand. (sometimes he is ok with these questions especially when is calm) He didn't yell but he reverted to his go to phrase " I am so sick of this you are never going to let things go from the past" I said "it would be a lot easier for me to let go if I had answers" he said " I will never answer that question I figured by now you would take a hint and stop asking but clearly you're to stupid to do that so if you don't like the way I am or the things I did to you in the past then walk away from me i'm not holding you here"... .this was said 15 min after he told me how much I mean to him and how he couldn't handle the thought of losing me.


Clearly I did all kinds of wrong things in this convo and I think I triggered his guilt and shame response... .does he have no answer? when we have discussed in the past he has given little bits of info... .most of which I think are a load of bull I just don't tell him that... .is he so angry because he's still lying to me? is there any right way to ask it? do I just have to live my life never knowing?

Once again i'm lost and confused... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lostandconfused6]

oh also we were discussing my health problems the other day... .which he has been super supportive of recently and very sympathetic and sweet and caring... .and I said " sometimes I just want to break down I feel like nothing is getting better" his response was "shut up" I said wow ok I hope you have sweet dreams and I went to sleep the next day he texts me and said I tried to bait him with what I said and he doesn't like it then continued to tell me as soon as I left the hospital he was going to lay into me and put me in my place... .and he never apologized for that and just continued to call me names and make me feel like a piece of crap... .it was like he felt justified in what he did... .does anyone have an explanation as to why he may have done this?

[Mutt]

Hi lostandconfused,



I’m sorry to hear about your health   I can understand it would be hard to trust him if he lies to you. What kinds of things is he lying about?

[lostandconfused6]

Hi lostandconfused,



I’m sorry to hear about your health   I can understand it would be hard to trust him if he lies to you. What kinds of things is he lying about?

He's lied to me in the past about a certain female not being In his life and had an "inappropriate" friendship with her at 1 time since we have been together... .and it's something i'm working very hard on letting go but it is something that hurt me a lot and I'm not 100% sure it's completely stopped... .and some days he's understanding to it and we can have the best convos about it and other days I need to shut up or move on... .and I know that goes along with BPD and there is so much about BPD that i'm understanding of and all that stuff but the lying and hiding things is that normal? is there a better way to approach it?