I have just gotten out of relationship with someone who I believe was borderline

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have just ended a relationship with a borderline person, although she refused that diagnosis.  Former therapists had struggled with her.  Her issue was an eating disorder which resolved 14 years ago.  But she still had substantial problems which ultimately "broke us up."  I terminated the relationship a year ago.  We made attempts at friendship while she prepared to exit our home.  Her exit took a year.  During which time, I experienced a roller coaster of emotion coming from her:  sometimes sweet, sometimes dis associative, sometimes drunk, sometimes rational, sometimes angry, many times lacking any awareness of her impact on others.

I feel sort of exhausted from walking on eggshells with her.  I know I can not convince her of anything.  However, I worry that she will be swept away by her own vulnerability.  I am the proverbial fixer, and I need to let go.  Just looking for shared experiences from this group and support.

[tyson]

I have just ended a relationship with a borderline person, although she refused that diagnosis.  Former therapists had struggled with her.  Her issue was an eating disorder which resolved 14 years ago.  But she still had substantial problems which ultimately "broke us up."  I terminated the relationship a year ago.  We made attempts at friendship while she prepared to exit our home.  Her exit took a year.  During which time, I experienced a roller coaster of emotion coming from her:  sometimes sweet, sometimes dis associative, sometimes drunk, sometimes rational, sometimes angry, many times lacking any awareness of her impact on others.

I feel sort of exhausted from walking on eggshells with her.  I know I can not convince her of anything.  However, I worry that she will be swept away by her own vulnerability.  I am the proverbial fixer, and I need to let go.  Just looking for shared experiences from this group and support.

[Harley Quinn]

Welcome tyson,   

You're in the right place as you'll find the majority of the members here can relate to what you describe in her behaviour.  Take a look at the articles and lessons to the right of the board as these will also be immensely helpful to you in aiding your understanding of the experience.  Was it a T or yourself who picked up on the possible BPD diagnosis (in other words was she formally diagnosed?) and what were the signs of this in your r/s? 

It must have been very tough spending the last year with your ex in a sort of limbo situation.  Did you also try to recycle the relationship at any point through that time?  How do you feel emotionally now that you are no longer living together and the breakup is more official?

Many of us identify with codependent behaviour and adopt a fixer/rescuer approach in these relationships, so you're far from alone.  I'd like to share a link with you to one of the articles I found extremely helpful after my split with my ex.  It talks about how a BPD r/s evolves and you may find that you can relate to some or all of this.  I'd be interested to know if you see any similarities in your r/s to what is described here.

How a BPD relationship evolves 

Keep reading here and posting.  It's a tough journey out of a BPD r/s and we all support one another on it. 

Love and light x

[Mutt]

Hi tyson,  



I’d like to join Harley Quinn and welcome you to bpdfamily. It sounds like you had a tough year, breaking up with a pwBPD is a painful process. It helps to share with people that can relate with what you’ve been going through. BPD is a disorder that’s invisible, the acting out is usually behind closed doors.

Is there any legal ramifications? If you live with someone here in Canada for 6 months it’s a common law marriage with the same stipulations as a married couple. Is it something similar there? Hang in there.