At the end of my rope

[SheIsKillingMe]

I feel completely f@#ked! I've done my research, know (almost) all there is to know about my wife's condition, and after eight long years I have finally completely shut down. I can't talk to her. She won't listen anyways. I fear this marriage is at it's end. I'm terrified she'll actually kill herself. I'm sure you've heard this a million times. The tools are useless. NOTHING WORKS! Am I just doomed to live like this forever if I stay? If I leave and she kills herself her blood is on my hands. I don't want to end my marriage. I love her more than anything. Tell the truth, please. I am completely f@#ked, aren't I?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Hisaccount]

I could have written that.

Problem is you are not seeing the truth. I looked at my ex as a retarded teenager or child. Who could abandon someone like that right?

But the truth is, she is a grown adult and can make her own choices. Her blood is not on your hands.
Mine divorced me. That just proved she is a grown adult able to make her own choices.
 
fog, fear, guild and obligation I believe. They kept me trapped for a long time. Like it was my duty.

You need to focus on you some. Counselor, antidepressants. Who knows. But you need a happy place a stress reliever.
If you cannot find time to heal and work on yourself the relationship is doomed for sure.
Take care of yourself and your path forward will become clearer.

And yes, to me that seemed very selfish to do while in a relationship, but it really is the only solution.

[Meili]

You sound very stressed SheIsKillingMe. It is understandable, who wouldn't given what you described. From what you have said I think you belong here;  you will fit in;  your situation is like a lot of the  other members. You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone. When I was feeling like you expressed, it helped me.

I know that this will likely sound trite to you right now, but things aren't hopeless until you give up hope.

You said that you've done research and learned a lot, and that the tools do not work. What tools are you speaking about?

Has your wife been diagnosed?

I know that your life is difficult right now, but there is a wealth of information and wisdom around here. I hope that you can find the support that you need.

We are glad you are here with us and look forward to reading your story on the other boards.

[superstar]

do BPD's typically keep you "trapped" for extended amounts of time?

I've been with my gf for almost 4 years suffering it out, at some point I would think a normal rational woman would leave me. Like a merry go round 5-10 days tops she's back and we start the cycle again... .

you would def think I would be gone by now, but I'm just figuring out what has happened to me over the last several years...

[Meili]

do BPD's typically keep you "trapped" for extended amounts of time?

What do you mean by "trapped?"

There are numerous stories around here of relationships stopping and ending. I was in one of those. I tried to leave my x several times (every two weeks for months by her calculations), but she would go to extremes to keep me involved with her. I experienced things like her threatening to make false accusations of assault to her stealing things that emotionally dear and very important to me to using sex to making all sorts of promises. Her spectrum of tools to keep me engaged with her was vast.