I've been away but of course it never ends

[GimmePeace]

It's been a long time since I posted but I'm back... .the continuing roller coaster derailed 2 days after my 58 th birthday.  Again, my mother forgot my birthday (my father's and her granddaughter's birthday's were just 3 days later, how do u forget?).  I had let it go years before although it always hurt and confused me that she forgets... .and Yes, I am aware that she didn't forget!  Lol! But after she called me 2 days later asking how my weekend out of town went... .I said, ohhh I had a great birthday weekend!  Long silence and then, there it was... .ohhhh my gosh I can't believe I forgot your birthday!  My response was, it's okay Mom, I'm getting use to it!  Of course it ignited the blast that I knew it would... .she hurt me so now I wanted to hurt her!  I hated myself for even going there as I knew it was a trap!  So... .making a long story short we are NC.  She is 79, my father, God rest his now peaceful soul died a year ago in July.  My brother passed in 1981 so it's just me!  She insists on living in an apt up 21 steep steps and has fallen numerous times... .broken hip and leg... separate occasions.  My father mysteriously ( he says it was like a demon ripped his pant leg out from under him) fell 2 years before he died changing his pants so he could eat lunch (daily) ... .he smelled like mold from his garage and of course we can't have that!  Broke his hip and compound fractured his wrist!  Now she's alone, well not alone alone... .she has God, Yashewa and 25 other names she refers to him as.  He is her only sustaining refuge.  Nobody cares but she is perfectly happy if she lives the rest of her life with no one else.  So now... .of course I'm feeling guilty for her being alone and not knowing if she's physically ok!  Refuses to wear a rescue necklace due to electromagnetic flux it might put off!  And yes... .there is a large volume of foil surrounding her cell phone and computer at all times.  I guess I just needed to vent... .I'm so very worn out with the ride and I hate it that I have to involve my girls with this crap!  They understand BUT they don't understand.  It's been a lifetime of hell!  

[madeline7]

My story is so similar. I am 60, mu Mom is recently widowed and she keeps falling. Now she is in the hospital, will need care at home for a while or longer, but thinks I should take care of her. I work, but she thinks I can just miss days or be late/leave early. When I tell her I need a morning or afternoon to manage my own household, she becomes the waif and then rages. LC is so difficult with her, setting boundaries is so challenging with her, being her daughter feels like an impossible task. She is so black and white, that I realize I am biding my time while she is in a medical crisis, and will undoubtedly go NC again when she is back home and settled in. My fear of her becoming very ill or dying while we are in a NC mode is what drives me to try to make LC work. Sometimes I think she will become gravely ill when we are NC just to spite me. It is a horrible way to think of one's Mom. I feel very angry and sad. I believe at my core, I am a positive individual and I greatly resent the toxic manipulations. What a waste of time and energy.

[Struggles]

You are so right, it never ends.  My husband, his siblings and spouses and myself go through the same things with his mother.  I posted for the first time yesterday and just writing out the feelings we were feeling helped a lot.  We are NC with my mother in law now as well and of course the guilt trips from her start.  I believe people who have BPD are really great at guilt trips and manipulation.  Today I feel as if I'm on house arrest as she is in town and has already threatened my sister in law and said she would stalk me.  I feel for you and anyone else in this situation.  Just know you have done what you can, and don't feel guilty.  Sometimes we have to step away from it for our own sanity.  

[GimmePeace]

Thank you both so much for replying... .my guilt for ignoring her is bittersweet.  This drives me crazy and I guess due to her age one day I can be at peace.  How sad is that to say?  Only other women with mothers like these can understand this double edged sword.  Sometimes I feel I carry some of her characteristics with me... we all know, children learn what they live!  I tell my precious grown daughter's to slap the crap out of me if I ever act that way!  Once in a blue moon one of them will say, Mom... that sounded just like Mimi!  And I gasp!  It's such a terrible shame because my mother was/is so very talented.  Artist/author but she drives everyone crazy by holding court while reading her chapter books ... .all the kids get wide eyed when she shows up at family functions with her Manila folders!  Even worse when she hands out individual packets full of letters on how God has made her the "Family Watchman" guarding how they should pray and how God speaks to her personally!  I seriously just don't know how to deal with her!  She has to have special water, special food, special vitamins!  Can't take her out to eat due to this!  Family get together' are stressful and if one of the little kids don't speak to her or give her full attention when she speaks she gives them a go to hell look and I want to dress her down!  She's paranoid and believes she's been abducted by aliens and that giants are living underground our "flat" earth! 
But to outsiders she comes off as the sweet little old lady... .nobody understands! 
Thanks for the ear!  Blessings and hugs to all!