my BPD gf is planning to see a new/old crush to drink have fun, spend the night

[beyondme]

We have been together for 1 year. She's been planning this for weeks with him. He's married, but fools around, for months she's been telling me she's asexual and wants no intimacy. I have reason to believe that she would be willing to with him tomorrow. I have been supportive of her throughout, including being part of her daily life dealing with a recent MS diagnosis. She lives in my house. We are a couple, everyone can see that, but she tells everyone we are "just friends. " I lied and told her I trust her, but I don't. I'm xenophobicbeside myself. It's been such a struggle and has almost ruined me financially, family, and emotion wise. I want to tell her not to meet up with him, but I told her she's a big girl, entitled to make her own decisions, that I don't own her. He's flying 1500 miles to see her... She feels very special now to him, especially since they've been clandestinely skyping several times and tells her what she wants to hear. But even though she asked me to marry her 2 different days last week, I think she has been creating problems since and fighting to justify a intimate relationship with him. This is all happening tomorrow. When she goes to meet him at his hotel. Her past has included a succesion of women and men... Dozens and dozens of short intimate relationships. She said I was different and I have believed it. It seems like this will be the death knell for our relationship. I told her I was very hurt by this. She asked me why I was acting different from my usual communicative self, so I said, I'm depressed. Her response was : well, I can't be around that and slammed the door as I left. What do I do? If it is over... how do I get past someone who is in my thoughts 24/7. I'm asking for advice from BPD and NON BPD people what to do. I hate to think that after 13 months of a hard fought relationship, that this is the end. I could not accept her betrayal of that is how it goes down. Even if she said nothing happened, how could I trust that it's the truth. I hinted on accompanying her with him, but was shot down.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[beyondme]

We have been together for 1 year. She's been planning this for weeks with him. He's married, but fools around, for months she's been telling me she's asexual and wants no intimacy. I have reason to believe that she would be willing to with him tomorrow. I have been supportive of her throughout, including being part of her daily life dealing with a recent MS diagnosis. She lives in my house. We are a couple, everyone can see that, but she tells everyone we are "just friends. " I lied and told her I trust her, but I don't. I'm xenophobicbeside myself. It's been such a struggle and has almost ruined me financially, family, and emotion wise. I want to tell her not to meet up with him, but I told her she's a big girl, entitled to make her own decisions, that I don't own her. He's flying 1500 miles to see her... She feels very special now to him, especially since they've been clandestinely skyping several times and tells her what she wants to hear. But even though she asked me to marry her 2 different days last week, I think she has been creating problems since and fighting to justify a intimate relationship with him. This is all happening tomorrow. When she goes to meet him at his hotel. Her past has included a succesion of women and men... Dozens and dozens of short intimate relationships. She said I was different and I have believed it. It seems like this will be the death knell for our relationship. I told her I was very hurt by this. She asked me why I was acting different from my usual communicative self, so I said, I'm depressed. Her response was : well, I can't be around that and slammed the door as I left. What do I do? If it is over... how do I get past someone who is in my thoughts 24/7. I'm asking for advice from BPD and NON BPD people what to do. I hate to think that after 13 months of a hard fought relationship, that this is the end. I could not accept her betrayal of that is how it goes down. Even if she said nothing happened, how could I trust that it's the truth. I hinted on accompanying her with him, but was shot down.

I'm sorry if this post is not allowed, I'm trying to maintain this relationship if I can. Thank you.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi beyondme,

Welcome

I'm so sorry that you are having difficulties in your relationship. I want to make sure that I am understanding correctly. Are you wanting to know how to move on from the relationship or how to save the relationship?

Have you talked to her since she met with this guy?

What do you think prevented you from being honest with her and telling her that you do not want her to meet with him?