Looking for guidance on dealing with undiagnosed BPD in my family

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone,

I am from an Italian-American New Jersey family, and amongst other things, that is mainly how I have explained my family's extremely passionate, often hurtful, tumultuous history and relationships. There's obviously a lot more, but before going into specifics, I just wanted to check out what everyone else is talking about on this site to see if in fact, my family's history and relationships can be explained and helped by understanding BPD.

I have a couple of friends who are social workers and they suggested that some of my mom's behaviors are consistent with BPD. My mother refuses any type of help, and I have always thought she has some undiagnosed mental health issues, but have never known what. I've since read some books on BPD and I think she has some but not all of the symptoms. Whatever my mom has, I think her raising us has impacted my sister and I to have some (BPD?) traits. It has also impacted how we relate to each other. I want to understand more about BPD to see if understanding it and developing strategies for dealing with it can help my family and I express love to each other and limit the hurtful things we do.

Thank you for welcoming me!

[BPDCurious0120]

Hi everyone,

I am from an Italian-American New Jersey family, and amongst other things, that is mainly how I have explained my family's extremely passionate, often hurtful, tumultuous history and relationships. There's obviously a lot more, but before going into specifics, I just wanted to check out what everyone else is talking about on this site to see if in fact, my family's history and relationships can be explained and helped by understanding BPD.

I have a couple of friends who are social workers and they suggested that some of my mom's behaviors are consistent with BPD. My mother refuses any type of help, and I have always thought she has some undiagnosed mental health issues, but have never known what. I've since read some books on BPD and I think she has some but not all of the symptoms. Whatever my mom has, I think her raising us has impacted my sister and I to have some (BPD?) traits. It has also impacted how we relate to each other. I want to understand more about BPD to see if understanding it and developing strategies for dealing with it can help my family and I express love to each other and limit the hurtful things we do.

Thank you for welcoming me!

[Turkish]

The cultural dynamics are interesting to me (my ex is from Mexico and I'm generic Californian).  Personality disorders are defined partly by behaviors outside of the distribution for that culture.  This might be getting into the weeds, so to speak,  too early without knowing more. 

What kind of behaviors lead you to believe your mother has BPD, and how are you struggling with her? Love to hear more.   

Turkish

[CollectedChaos]

Welcome!

Cultural dynamics definitely add an additional "layer" to BPD issues, and mental health issues, in families.  While I don't entirely blame culture on this, I think it has some ties - the expectation of helping and supporting your family no matter what is one that was always very entrenched in my upbringing.  We were the full-time caregivers for my ill grandparents throughout my entire childhood - it was expected.  This idea has translated down to my parents too.  It is expected that I blindly follow and support them no matter what is going on.  I had always assumed that the enmeshment and toleration of completely crazy behavior because they were your family was how all families were.  I really "broke the mold" by setting boundaries, and eventually going NC with my uBPD mother.  I also know that I have learned some not so great behavior patterns from her (a few that are similar to BPD), and am working with my T on "relearning" what is healthy.

The resources and posts here are a wonderful learning tool - I think you'll be able to gain a lot of insight to BPD and methods to use when engaging with your family   I remember when I first was told about BPD and did more research, it was like a light bulb going on. 

I will echo Turkish's question - what behaviors are leading you to suspect BPD, and what struggles are you having?