Husband raged—had to call the police

[itmaybetime]

My husband was being treated for BPD by a psychologist and was also on an anti-depressant and mood stabilizer for a couple of months. He showed progress. Last night however, took a turn for the worse. Something I said made him angry and he felt confronted. He threw over the dining room table, a few chairs, our entire dinner splattered on the wall. Then he went to the bedroom, was going to throw over more furniture, and then took all of his medication, shoved me aside hard and went into the bathroom and flushed it all. He was raging.
I called the police. He hadn't touched me, but I felt very unsafe, as did our teenager. The police, of course, did not arrest him, but took my statement.
Today he is making tons of calls and texts to who knows who. He also told me I wasted everyone's time and that I am a "dumbass" because he manipulated the police into believing he was stable and that he "played them like a fiddle." This is all by text today.
He also told me that I have no power, that I will have to live with whatever he does, however he wants it. He said "You lose, you always lose. You're beaten. I won." Then he asked for me to kill him and put him out of his misery from this life of torture that I caused.
I want to detach and let him cool down. I truly don't know what to do or how to act. Everything I say is met with ridicule and derision. As is my silence. Help!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

Do you think it wise to stay in the house with him, given the things he has texted?

Have you contacted a local DV shelter.  Perhaps they could help you with a restraining order or a place for you to stay, so that your pwBPD can calm down.

It's concerning when they start claiming they can "fool" and beat the police, as if it is a game to them.

FF

[itmaybetime]

The police officer last night said he had to make an actual physical threat in order to get an order of protection. He avoided doing that.

[GaGrl]

Take the texts to the police station and ask them to revisit.  You might be able to get a restraining order.

[formflier]

While he may not have meant "your beaten" in the physical sense.  I would show that to the police and or DV shelters and let them know that's how you perceive it.

I would think it would be enough, but... .that's why you should ask.

FF

[Lucky Jim]

Hey itmay, Good for you for declining to tolerate his abusive behavior and calling the police.  Now you have gone on record with a Statement, which may be quite helpful moving forward.  In my view, you enforced good boundaries by taking steps to protect yourself and your teenager when both of you felt unsafe and threatened.  I admire you for taking positive steps to protect yourself and your teenager.  Because I'm a guy, I never thought that the police would take me seriously if I called them about my BPDxW, even though she engaged in the same sort of abusive behavior as your spouse.  Keep doing what you need to do to protect yourself.

LuckyJim

[pearlsw]

Hi itmaybetime,

Oh my! Your story is so concerning! What sticks out for me, amongst others observing here, is that he flushed his meds. I think coming off such meds so suddenly could be very bad for him. How did him taking meds in the first place come about? Could you speak with doctor about what is happening? Where do you see things heading in the immediate future? It sounds like he needs serious and immediate medical attention.

Also, as horrible as it all was, remember to use the tool of depersonalization. Hold to your center and keep yourself upright on this. 

wishing you peace, pearl.