At what point do you go NC with alienated kids?

[soundofmusicgirl]

My husband was accused by his 11 year old son yesterday that he committed adultery, is a lying cheater and abandoned them (none of which of course is true). Therefore s11 is not sure wether he wants him as a Dad anymore.
S11 freely volunteered that he got this "information" from mom. When my husband asked wether he even knows what adultery is s11 said no.

This phone conversation took place 11pm our time (we live overseas).
It made my husband so upset that he could not sleep all night.

He is suffering enormously and he is still trying to call them and hope for a different outcome.

Of course he understands that all this crap is coming from mom. But it hurts and I wonder how much longer he needs to hold on to that.

At what point do you tell your kids, that you can't accept this anymore and that you love them but you will not contact them anymore?

[ForeverDad]

Isn't that what his ex is trying to do, sabotage his calls so that he is intimidated, discouraged into giving up?

I agree it is next to impossible to undo days, weeks and years of priming and badmouthing in a few minutes, but has H tried to set a boundary, call son out on things that are outside the Father-Son scope of topics, saying don't bring such claims up?  I'm thinking maybe when son says that, he could ask son, ":)o you really want to discuss what your mother says about me?  I could sure mention a lot of complaints about your mother too, but do you notice I am careful not to get into such Blaming?  I don't want you involved in what Mom says against Dad or what Dad says against Mom.  I focus just on You.  Can you do that with me?  Just Father-Son stuff?"

[soundofmusicgirl]

Forever Dad. He has tried to set boundaries. But at this point s11 will just hang up if my husband says anything in his defence. Last night H shared with him that there are always two sides to a story. He also explained to him that H's father was absent for 20 years and that he had wished that his father had reached out and expressed the desire to talk to him. In the middle of this sentence s11 hung up.

Last summer s11 told my husband that "mom always says the truth and you lie to us".

Last sunday when s11's twin brother was actually willing to maybe talk to my husband s11 reminded his twin brother to not let "him (dad)" change the subject (they were once again spewing out all kinds of lies).

At this point I feel that communication has completely broken down. Neither hubby nor I know what to do. We were in court in september. The kids are scheduled to go through a psych eval after this years summer visit with us to determine wether visits should be shorter or longer.
At this point the kids have repeated each call that they do not want to come to visit and that we can't force them.

So not sure wether there actually will be a summer visit. Their therapist has not changed (still therapist from hell who believes everything mom says and refuses to communicate with H). So that is no help.