I have reached my limit

[bees]

I am sad for my sibling but can no longer allow BPD And mental health  to affect my life. It has been a difficult life. I love my sibling but do not want to engage in a relationship any longer. I feel manipulated and abused. I also feel hopeless and no longer want to exert anymore energy in this person who has caused nothing but turmoil in my life. While I would love for things to be functional in our relationship, I have come to the realization that I can only control me. I cannot help someone who does not want to take responsibility for their poor decisions and actions. I can no longer ride this roller coaster and I don’t want to... .I want peace.

[LeneLu]

Dear Bees,

I so know that feeling.  You just reach a breaking point.  I don't know your circumstances but I know that once you reach that point, it feels like there is no going back.  It is scary but that last straw is just nothing you ever want to go through again.

LeenLou

[HappyChappy]

I know that feeling, as I’m sure many on do. Hang in there, if you give yourself a break I'm sure it will get better, did for me. One piece of advise is to plan this, if you can. So for example you don’t have to announce you want no contact, you can fade to grey by screening calls etc... .Have you thought how you will approach that ?Also going low or no contact with a BPD doesn’t necessarily re-adjust the damage a BPD upbringing gives. Are you planning therapy or other activities ?

[psyche]

Hi bees, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Some days ago I have also made such a decision because after a few years of stressful events I have just learned that my brother took revenge by doing something mean. I have been waiting for him as he went to NC again and for a few months already, but with this I've had enough.

I did tell my parents about this decision and my brother probably heard it, I'm not sure.

After some days reflecting on it I think that I don't really intend to cut ties, as long as he doesn't do something like this again. What I want is actually implementing a boundary, which means defining what I don't accept and what I will do about it if they cross it. And it is that I need an honest relationship where we don't do mean actions intentionally even if we are upset with each other. So if he doesn't do that then we are ok, but if he does I'm not there to accept it.

Having a BPD sibling can be really overwhelming and sometimes we really need to distance ourselves to keep our own mental and emotional health. Setting a boundary where we keep some distance if they are too much can help. We don't have to announce it, but it's important that we reinforce it each time they cross it. I hope that you canfeel better soon.

[bees]

Hi everyone... thank you for your input. I have not announced my decision to cut ties but I have just not engaged. I have just come to terms with this awful situation... it’s been a lifetime of anger, rages, criticism, jealousy and the list goes on and on. I am so heartbroken over this situation but I have decided that I can no longer allow my life be dominated by someone who is unable to accept responsibility and unable to accept that it is he who needs to follow through with treatment. I am thankful that I believe in a living God whom I trust and know is control of all things, but my prayers have changed... instead of praying for my brother to miraculously be healed, I have prayed for God to show me how to handle this situation. While I have hope in healing and feel it’s important to educate myself on how to communicate with empathy, I feel that I can only control me and no longer have the want to keep this person in my life. Too much hurt.