Struggling with this person only to be left confused, hurt, and angry

[Sweet Pea]

I'm grateful to have been directed to the thoughts on BPD.  My spouse and I have an adult child who has been married for 20 years to someone who, I now understand, most likely has BPD. I didn't see an appropriate option in the New Member First Thread category selection for our situation, so I just opted to start here.  

I'm hopeful for some direction on dealing with this very difficult relationship.  We have two other adult children, both married with children.  We have all been struggling with this BPD person in our lives, only to be left confused, hurt, angry and so on.  Any suggestions on where and how to start would be appreciated.

Thank you so much,

Sweet Pea (one of my all time favorite flowers)

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Sweet Pea, 

My great grandma used to grow sweet peas, and they were so beautiful! 

Welcome to our online family, and yes, you've posted on the right board. There are those who grew up with a BPD parent (like myself), others who have a sibling or an in-law with BPD all posting and reading on this board. We definitely are a family here, and you'll find safety and understanding.

Please take time to read some of the links in the list on the right hand side of our board. Do you have any particular questions to start with? What books, if any, have you read about BPD? How did you first learn about it?

 
Wools

[Panda39]

Hi Sweet Pea,

  Welcome   You have found the right board 

Where to start?  How about some questions to get the ball rolling.

Has your DIL (daughter-in-law) been diagnosed or are you like me and here because the shoe fits?   Is this knowledge new or have you known for awhile?

Can you tell us more about what has been going on?  How is your relationship with your DIL?  Has your relationship with your son been affected?  Do they have children?  What are you finding most difficult at the moment?  What can we help you with?

I also want to point out the box to the right --> each item is a link to more information, you might want to check out the "Lessons" section when you have time.

I'm glad you have decided to join us, I know you will find a lot of understanding, support, tools and ideas that help, just as I have.

I'm interested to hear more of your story.

Take Care,
Panda39

[HappyChappy]

Hey Sweet Pea,

You are posting in the right place, welcome to the forum. There is a huge amount of knowledge on this forum, so maybe the best way to begin is talk about issues that you and your family struggle with. Or recent behaviour you need help with. I found this site was excellent at validation and grounding. A BPD can project blame so skilfully, sometimes we need an outside eye to tells us that is what has  just happened. Also there are many skill sets from tried and tested methods, that help us get the best out of a BPD like S.E.T. etc... So please feel free to ask questions, get second opinions or just vent. Or help others out in their posts. Its easier to see a solution when you're not emotional involved. Does your child accept their spouse has BPD ?