Shirking responsibility or possible memory issues?

[ViaCrusis1689]

I haven't been here in a long time. I suspect my mom has BPD or characteristics of it. Lately, my dad and I have noticed she claims that we don't tell her things and blame us when we say we did. It makes me doubt my sanity.

She is almost 60, and there is no apparent history of memory issues in her family, but I know that doesn't mean it can't happen. She was convinced a few years ago that my dad was the one who was developing dementia. He doesn't pay attention sometimes, but I don't think he has issues. (I live with them, so if anyone would know, I would.)

I am more on the side of "she just can't/won't admit her mistakes" as she has always needed to be right. But some of the situations are just boggling my mind. It's tough because sometimes it directly involves me, and my default is to just diffuse the situation, and then both of them seem to sulk for a while. Then they complain to me that the other is wrong.

Any advice as to how to tell if she genuinely needs to be evaluated? My dad says he's noticed it has gotten worse in the past two years.

[bluek9]

Hi ViaCrusis1689,
           I just read your post, welcome back. Glad you came back here for support. So sorry to read that you're going through tuff times with parent.
          I too lived with my parents for over a year not to long ago. The only difference is that I myself am 60, same age as your mom. Does she work still? Me I work full time as a case manager for a non-profit. Anyway the thing is you have options. Does your mom have a primary care Dr.? What I found helpful with my dad who was 78 at the time, I called his doctor and asked if he could do a memory test. The doctor did it at his next appointment pretty much without my dad even knowing. It's just a series of questions that screen for memory, dementia and Alshiemers. Of course it's just the first step but, it could be helpful to determine if she needs further testing. Just one more suggestion, try writing things down. When you make a decision about something that she needs to know about at a later time or a decision she took part in, write it down so she can see it later. Take care of yourself, if you want let me know how it works out. Here to support you.

[Mutt]

Hi Viscrusis1689,



It helps to understand the dynamics when it comes to a pwBPD BPD is a persecution complex where the person truly believes that their circumstances are caused by others and not by themselves. A pwBPD will cast themselves mostly as victim and sometimes persecutor rarely persecutor. Others will be cast in the role of persecutor and rescuer you your mom and your dad makes a triangle. I’d read up on drama triangles and see how the different positions play out.



Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle

[Kwamina]

Hi ViaCrusis1689

It's been a long time indeed! Sorry that you are still dealing with difficult behavior from your mother, but it is nice to hear from you again How have you been yourself?

You mention on the one hand being more on the side that of "she just can't/won't admit her mistakes" yet also mention that some situations are just boggling your mind.

Do you perhaps see any particular pattern in the things your mother seems to forget? Does it seem to be totally random what she says to have no recollection of or do you notice it's only certain things?

The Board Parrot