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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Reality check - lucky to be detaching no matter how bad it hurts. Plus tv tip  (Read 548 times)
Aiko
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: March 08, 2018, 06:16:07 AM »

Snow day yesterday, complete coincidence saw two tv shows that helped me continue to heal.  Jodi Arias Revealed, and then Casino (w Sharon Stone character).  The stuff is real, we are lucky to be detaching no matter how bad hurts.   Stay strong.
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Harley Quinn
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« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2018, 07:02:17 PM »

What were your thoughts and feelings after watching these?  What did you feel were the core messages that reached you?

Love and light x
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Mutt
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« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2018, 11:26:56 PM »

Hi Aiko,

I’d like to echo Harley Quinn do you want to share your observations? It r can help another member.
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Aiko
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« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2018, 06:03:58 AM »

Sure, thanks for the questions.
I saw many traits of my uBPDxgf in both of them. Many.  As I watched the arias piece as it was on first I couldn't help but think to myself wow am I lucky to be out because it could've spiraled to that.  Mine had the weird mood swings also not just hot and cold but weird, there were many times violent also. Thankfully always in public like the street.  Triggered by abandonment fears and when this would happen I would especially never accompany back behind closed doors to one of our places for fear for myself.  On the Sharon stone side, I also saw the traits, the hysteria, the medicating, the can't get out of bed etc... .  and I looked at Deniro's (sp?) being married to her and dealing with her and thought - how could live a life dealing with that everyday. Terrible existence
So here it is a few days post seeing those movies, and I'd seen casino before, but I feeel very different in the detachment phase. I'd been making progresss nearly 5 months out, but those films accelerated me even after just a couple days.
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Aiko
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« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2018, 06:18:32 AM »

One other thing of interest, it helped to step out of my own head and see it happening to other people.   When you're in it youre semi blind to it, but to detach and see it that way was powerful, and scary. 
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Harley Quinn
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« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2018, 05:07:26 PM »

I agree.  Looking back now, it's almost like it was a dream.  Some of it a nice fantasy and the rest ... .well.  I'm glad to hear that your TV viewing was so serendipitous and helped you along in your healing journey.  So you would strongly recommend these films to others for some perspective?

Is there also anything else you've found helpful in your detaching?

Love and light x
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We are stars wrapped in skin.  The light you are looking for has always been within.
Aiko
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« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2018, 09:25:16 PM »

Hey HQ, yes. Time. Period. Time. Every day sucks but looking back it's easier now than it was 30-60-90 days.  And I'll say it here at the risk of being deleted... .once you feel ready to get intimate with someone new. Do it. It takes time, and it's hard if you're note ready. But when you're ready, move on.
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