What was the last straw?

[Cromwell]

The straw that broke the camels back was that I had very much intentionally allowed myself to be hooked back into the relationship after withdrawing for a month. In that time I started to feel a huge improvement in my mental state and stress levels, but I was still weak and felt there were many questions I had I wanted answered as well as not feeling like I had closure, which was why when she bumped into me in the street I gave her my number and found out later that she had stalked me there for the purpose of hooking me back in to the game play.

The final straw was that after going through the whole honeymoon period all over again (which was nice, but didnt enjoy as much because I was more aware and guarded - but I went along with it), was I could feel the rollercoaster start to dip again, she started to slowly make her low-ball comments again and I think in her mind, took me for granted that she managed to get me back so easily and was a sign that i would never leave. When she didnt phone me for 2 days in a row I commented about it and she  texted apologised saying she was so busy at work (which is nonsense) so I took that as the opportunity to not reply and go full NC. I like it how the R/S of 3 years with the intensity that went with it and the shared experiences ended with her last text of "sorry... ." and I know in her mind that she thought that she could just throw me some scraps when she felt like it and give a glib sorry endlessly when id call her up on her behaviour, it was often this way.

What I really would have enjoyed a bit is to wonder at what exact point she would have finally realised that "hmm, has he actually left me for good!, what was the last thing that happened, oh I said sorry to him, but it always worked in the past, maybe his phone is just dead"... .oh, where is his FB... .that b%stard! he discarded me! how can that be possible, I had him fully whipped, or so I thought! not even the dignity of a FU he gave me?

Yea I know her well enough that this was the thought pattern, along these lines and makes me feel great about it that I dropped her like a ton of bricks without giving her the opportunity to lie or rage or any drama, just ignored her very existence for the rest of her life and 3 years together for what seems on the face of it, something trivial. I hope that in her mind she regrets it and has to think "damn, if only i would have spared just a few seconds to at least text him l really did underestimate and slipped up in my game, and the humilation that I actually apologised to him as well, even though i didnt mean it".

Since then she came to my house a month later and shouted abuse but not to my face and I didnt respond, I see it as proof that I really did a good job that she needed to have "the last word". My ex devastated and broke my heart by her behaviour throughout the R/S and I knew her weakpoints and can be equally as cruel but I never did. So what I did at the end was just taking the advantage of good timing to finish and leave her hanging with the rope she supplied me with. Im glad that I got out of it the way it did, without PTSD drama that she would have preferred, im a big believer in the saying "no answer is an answer" and thats what she got from me.

[lotus74]

Hi Lucky Jim

I don't have anyone right now.  I have been estranged from my family for years.  Mostly due to my uBPDh.  It's just me and my dog!  (and my daughter every other week).  I am going to see a therapist in a couple of weeks and want to talk through some of my own issues with my family and  am considering making contact.