Divorcing after twenty five years and three children

[Godschild96]

I just wanted to say hello and I have struggled with what is soon to be my ex for roughly 25 years but still have to deal with him because of our child.

[Turkish]

Hello Godschild96,

I'm glad that you found us.  How old is your child and how are you struggling?

T

[livednlearned]

25 years is a long time to struggle

How old is your child?

It sounds like one of you recently filed for divorce? Are you living separately?

I'm glad you found the site. It helps to lean on people who really do understand.

LnL

[Godschild96]

I filed for divorce last June waiting on it to be finalized. I have 3 child 19, fixing to be 18 and 13 my youngest is dealing with it the hardest and is also showing major traits of her dad. It truly scares me the influence that he has had on her.

[Panda39]

Hi Godschild96,

Any chance you can get your 13 year old into therapy?  My significant other's daughter's found it really helpful to talk with someone about what was going on in their life, a professional that could help support them and give them coping skills.

How are you doing through all of this?  And your older kids? What does custody look like currently?

When you have time I hope you will share more of your story, you have found a wonderful group here that have been there and get it.

Take Care,
Panda39

[ForeverDad]

My lawyer told me, Courts love counseling!  If your stbEx opposes counseling for your daughters, the court would most likely side for it.  If your daughters resist it, try to start the concept as less triggering as possible.  Minors don't make the decisions, courts and parents do.  Of course, make sure the counselor is experienced, has a solid reputation and is unlikely to be gullible to misinformation and bullying from your stbEx.

At this point is may be difficult to determine precisely why your daughter is acting this way.  While she may indeed have BPD traits, it may also be that she is displaying situational 'fleas' from the long term dysfunctional family dynamic.  With counseling and more effective communication she may be able to shed some of those 'fleas'.