Feelings post breakup

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I know I did the right thing and recently ended my relationship with a romantic partner. I had never heard of borderline personality disorder until I started to see a therapist and she discussed the disorder with me based on my descriptions of the abuse I endured. Our story is very complicated and we had a long distance relationship which he both preferred and protested against (depending on his mood). I am very upset with myself that I didn't act sooner despite the obvious stress that was affecting both my physical and mental health. Once I started to believe his accusations that I was the cause of all things gone wrong I felt like I had no identity and the best solution would be to try my best to not anger him, but it was hard to understand him let alone his temper. I felt like the more time I spent with him the more I felt like I didn't know him. It is still very confusing to me why I cannot stop analyzing what I missed, how I could have done things differently, etc. I want to get over it!

[Getoverit]

I know I did the right thing and recently ended my relationship with a romantic partner. I had never heard of borderline personality disorder until I started to see a therapist and she discussed the disorder with me based on my descriptions of the abuse I endured. Our story is very complicated and we had a long distance relationship which he both preferred and protested against (depending on his mood). I am very upset with myself that I didn't act sooner despite the obvious stress that was affecting both my physical and mental health. Once I started to believe his accusations that I was the cause of all things gone wrong I felt like I had no identity and the best solution would be to try my best to not anger him, but it was hard to understand him let alone his temper. I felt like the more time I spent with him the more I felt like I didn't know him. It is still very confusing to me why I cannot stop analyzing what I missed, how I could have done things differently, etc. I want to get over it!

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Getoverit and welcome to the board 

It's usual to be full of questions and seeking answers following these often chaotic and drama filled relationships.  How long were you together for?  Long distance can be tough for an emotionally healthy couple, and a BPD sufferer struggles with fears of abandonment and fear of engulfment so this would explain some of the behaviour you experienced - which probably was very push/pull?  I'll let you fill us in on more of your story when you're ready and in the meantime I'll say I'm glad you found us as we can help. 

All of us are in various stages of detaching and healing here from complicated relationships with dysfunctional partners and can empathise with how you're feeling.  There is also a lot of really helpful information in our articles and lessons to the right side of your screen which I'd recommend looking at.  Plus it is beneficial to read and involve yourself in others' discussions.  There is much to be learned here and we all support one another.

It's great that you recognised the impact that you were suffering from the behaviours directed at you and sought help from a therapist.  That comes highly recommended around here.  Well done too for reaching out here for support.  You'll find it. 

Love and light x   

[Mutt]

Hi Getoverit, 



Id like to join Harley Quinn and welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you here. I can relate with feeling like you’re losing your sense of self and feeling like you’re going crazy. Don’t be hard on yourself.

It's usual to be full of questions and seeking answers following these often chaotic and drama filled relationships.

You’re were you’re supposed to be many of us have a period where we dissect and analyze the r/s a pwBPD is very confusing and contradictory. I suggest to share it and we can offer you advice. I understand how painful these breakups are and wishing that you can getoverit quickly you will recover. Hang in there.