Still stuck checking her posts But I dont even understand what shes saying

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I really don't understand why im still stuck checking her posts, but I don't even understand what she says anymore
She wasn't like this before, she wasnt this person who repeats stuff and speak weird english.
Guys please help me understand what she is trying to say here:

I won't kid myself,
as we bid farewell.

You are a rarity,
Its you I owe
for an awakening.

I am alive,
from the start
of our encounter.

If I could feel
such warmth again,
in a dream
as I lie,
Wide awake.

Just
so
you
know

[ConcernedMan92]

I really don't understand why im still stuck checking her posts, but I don't even understand what she says anymore
She wasn't like this before, she wasnt this person who repeats stuff and speak weird english.
Guys please help me understand what she is trying to say here:

I won't kid myself,
as we bid farewell.

You are a rarity,
Its you I owe
for an awakening.

I am alive,
from the start
of our encounter.

If I could feel
such warmth again,
in a dream
as I lie,
Wide awake.

Just
so
you
know

[Skip]

What is the context of this? Where was this written and to whom?

I won't kid myself, as we bid farewell. You are a rarity... .
You are one of a kind

Its you I owe for an awakening... .I am alive, from the start of our encounter.
You helped me see something in myself that I like

If I could feel such warmth again... .
I wonder if will ever feel that again in my life

in a dream as I lie, Wide awake. Just so you know
These are my reflections on our past. Wanted you to know this.

[ConcernedMan92]

Hey Skip!
She posted it on her instagram, there was a ferris wheel picture and this was the caption. She posts a lot of poetry stuff and sometimes writes some herself.

[Skip]

Is it about you or someone she met?  Did she write it?

[ConcernedMan92]

These are some of the other ones she wrote:

Number 1:

It's begun:
This dark pit in my stomach,
This shadowing my every move,
This sour solitude of my soul;
This pursuit for contentment
I feel in my bones
Will only bear fruit
When I leave this place
And all these faces.
I need to go,
And I don't think I ever
Ever want to come back.

Number 2:

Release my mind,
If that is your will.
I have come to terms.
For there is no thrill,
in this perversion of such memories
in the waking moments of daylight minutes
and nighttime seconds.
An utopia of life,
allow me my vagueness.
Some words I dare not even entertain,
of ideas which may seem
too dangerously optimistic.

Number 3:

To wake up to another sunrise.
In pursuit of the balance between sanity and crazed passion.
For the words to express the important truths.
Courage;
One foot in front of the other,
One breathe after the other.

Number 4:

Words have no use if I cannot express
any love, fear or joy
in the sanctuary of
my own mind.
Today, I am an alien
in my body and in the normalcy of once before.

Number 5:

Our metal jungle,
a past for you, yet
a beacon of love in disarray
for the faded and wasted and the washed away.
Missing: sane rationale. I am on a quest to be lost again;
a part of the adrenaline game.
Screens of black smoke;
alone and surviving, in between tokes,
I hope to be lost again.

Number 6:

Watch the longings roll away on the train wagon of time
Place your dreams on a list dedicated to tomorrow
Soon then, find yourself at the edge of life in your 30s
Still waiting for the right time to wander around lost towns
and feel the cool seawater on your naked skin
only to be confined to a second
before darkness ensues.

Number 7:

This knot in my chest of art evokes in me
The pause in heart thumps
As if falling from a great height
An adrenaline of awe
Alike to falling in love
a sudden thrust into deep emotions
and passion in the fibers of my being.

[ConcernedMan92]

Well I really don't know if she even remembers who I am but from all her posts it feels like she misses me oneday and hates me the next. It could be about someone new, maybe the person she cheated with, when she was with me. Maybe that guy left her now and she's writing about him or it could be multiple flings cause I did hear from my friends that she has been sleeping around to get over me.

[Skip]

This sounds like some one broke up with her recent to those postings... .

How long has it been since you two were in communication?

[ConcernedMan92]

She cheated on the 27th of October last year and broke up with me the next day, so its been about 8 months... I went no contact after 2 weeks of the breakup, I still kept holding on and didnt understand why she'd breakup with me out of the blue. Everything was fine, but I did feel her getting distant on October so I stopped messaging her to see if she messages me and she didnt for two days, after I confronted her she said she couldnt do it anymore and blamed me for everything.

[Skip]

as we bid farewell

This is present tense. It sounds like a recent relationship ended, don't you think?

What are you thinking?

[ConcernedMan92]

Yeah makes sense I guess, I don't know why I'm still waiting for an apology when she's clearly moved on.
Thanks again for your help Skip! 

[Skip]

Looking back, what do you think happened in your relationship... .why did she run off with another guy when you were engaged?

[ConcernedMan92]

Well after I graduated I had to head back to my country, and she had 2 more years left to finish hers, so I had to travel back and forth to go see her every two months. Maybe she just got used to me leaving atleast thats what I tell myself but people tell me thats not a reason if you two were really in love she never wouldve left you. I really did everything I could to make things work, she never had to spend a single dime! This was actually the first time she told me she'd comeover but then this happened.

I've mentioned that she might be bipolar, so that couldve put a toll on her. Plus she didnt graduate and her dad was at the hospital for a surgery which I later heard from her friend. Plus me not next texting her and stress from work maybe? But can someone really be so impulsive to end a 6 year relationship in an instant. Honestly I don't know what to make of this whole situation, I thought I'd be with this girl for the rest of my life and she just betrayed me.