The power of knowledge combined with control

[Shawnlam]

I never thought over a month ago I’d ever get to this point where I felt little to nothing except pity and love for someone ill.I always assumed I’d remain bitter and angry and “in love “ with my exGF.Well we met today for dinner and I am so proud of myself .I think I got back my alpha male blood back because honestly I felt nothing except being happy she’s doing better for herself . Then when the lies started and the victim talk started I just sat back nodding and listening  the whole time just saying to myself “I can see shawn how we didn’t see this the first time around she’s a master at this except for her lack of memory and my incredible memory “.
 The whole meal and the whole time we spent together (about 3 hrs ) I simply kept a smile on my face and listened to her ,and was happy for the good parts and sad for the lies/ victim talk but knew exactly where she was going and why.I can even say with the utmost honestly that I didn’t care if he “past fling,or bf” didn’t work out and most likely that’s why she was even here today.It no longer mattered ! She tried some sxxt tests on me as well but my new refreshed therapy mind,shelled heart and new outlook on life just saw them coming a mile away.The whole talking about her ex which used to set me off did nothing , her telling me about guys at work she had slept with prior to us that are now texting her again,the offers she was getting for dates since we are apart , all I could think of was “ and here you are with me trying hard again on the charms with all those offers on the table huh” , and what came out of my mouth? Hey that’s great , getting back into dating,maybe bf xyz changed you gonna give it another shot? All the while smiling and nodding.It was sad to hear and watch kinda like a train wreck in progress ,you wanna see what’s gonna happen so you can’t look away but you really don’t wanna watch cuz it’s a sad event.
Long story short I offered her some friendly help on stuff she was having a hard time with ,up to her to accept it or not .Had a good meal and she seemed pleased to see me and I’ll be honest seeing her healthy and what seems like better ,was good .Lessons to learn:

Always keep bettering yourself it prepared you for this stuff

Read a lot on BPD if you have any intention on speaking to past partners or friends and it will prepare you for any future people

Believe in yourself and your capabilities (if you feel you have no control don’t put yourself in harms way)

Build your confidence, hobbies,reading,working out, motivational videos

Suggestions for videos I listen to (Alan Watts ,jordon Peterson,Eliot hulse).

Read up on alpha males VS beta males (good qualities in both) and take the best from both

Meditation works for me to .

That’s all I got but I hope this helps those still struggling with feelings .No human can just unfeel, but you can pick the feelings you want to have .Personally thanks to this site , anger and vengeance were two I got rid of thanks to the input of then admin staff ,and those who followed me on my posts ... .Thank you. I came here a broken man with a lot of hate ,bitter,stubborn.Now I can look at things with a more compassionate perspective, and knowledgeable view.Knowing is half the battle , of you understand your partner or ex partner it becomes hard to hate them for what they are or have .I felt bad and pity today but also happy and love for her .Over a month ago that would NEVER of happened EVER!

[pearlsw]

Hey Shawnlam,

Let me be the first to say what an inspiring message of personal growth you have left here! Wow! 

It really says a lot that you were able to be so open minded and able to take some coaching that has brought you, it sounds like, to a much healthier place in life. And how nice of you to want to turn around and share that with others as well!

wishing you all the best, pearl.

[spero]

Hi there Shawn,

I'm really glad that your time here has helped you gain awareness, process your feelings, and even be able to empathize deeper with others. I want to applaud you for just being able to make progress in such a short time. I join pearlsw in just giving you a pat on the back, its truly heart warming to a message with such positivity.

Wishing you best of luck,
Spero.