Wife displaying BPD symptoms - lonely and desperate, looking for understanding

[drather]

This is the first time I have shared this information with anyone. There is no one in my life who has “walked in my shoes” or would even understands what life is like for me. This is a lonely place to be. I found my way to this website while listening to the audio version of Stop Walking On Eggshells. The contents of that book are so relevant, applicable, and true of my life experience that I can’t stop listening. I listen during my commute to and from work. I have listened to the entire book about six times consecutively and still can’t get enough. With regard to this matter I am lonely and desperate. I long to interact with someone who understands the life that I live. Thank you for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi drather,

Can you tell us more about what you are experiencing please?

What about the book spoke to you most?

Also, it's best to stick on this single thread and get a long conversation going here. It will help other members to better follow your story. 

take care, pearl.

[Blue Bayou]

Hi drather,
 I just want to let you know that I can relate to what you said about no one would understand unless they've been through the receiving end of BP stuff.  I am, in turn, devalued and then I'm "Honey", like switches are being flipped.  Sometimes in a rapid cycle, other times it has dragged on for weeks/months/years of me supposedly being evil and mean, until she snaps out of it.
She can be so loving at times, that it throws me off balance when I'm once again in the extended version dog house for no reason or over a trivial matter.  My head just wants to explode.  BP disordered persons do not care about the anguish they leave in their wake, at least in my case.

For example, I accidentally over watered her plant (didn't harm the plant) which has landed me back as an "inconsiderate person lacking common sense".  OK. My apology about it just brought on more accusations & then silent treatment.  
BP persons seem to need to be in complete control of the emotional aspects of a relationship, without any regard or care of how their behavior or with holding affection affects the other person. I'm not walking on eggshells--it's more like hot coals.

I understand the life that you live.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi drather, I think we all understand your loneliness very deeply. You are not alone here!

Seconding pearlsw that we'd like to hear more about your situation and what brought you here.

I started out completely alone as well when I came here. Beyond the family I now have on bpdfamily, and through their guidance and support, I've managed to build a support network that includes psychiatrists, counselors, legal professionals, nannies, and my own family and friends.

My suggestion to get started would be to start posting on other member's threads to gain context on your own situation and begin building your community here.

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld