It was never your fault.

[mraa90]

I won't lie and say that I'm fully over her. Days will pass where I'm happy again, just to be sucked in darkness again.


I was doing some reading alone, so I would like to put some things together to help everyone.

My relationship was over a long time ago, ever since, I have been obsessed over her by reading books and online.

It's the same question over and over again. "She said she had a connection with me, and we had future plans." Only for her to pack her bags and leave a week after telling me that. "We had a connection"

I will be talking about closure first. They tend to go cold on you without giving you closure because they can't admit they have Fu**ed up. My ex-told after 5 weeks of silence that it was me. She said she just wanted to date me and I was looking for more from it. I respect that, but you don't set future plans and talk about us being together just to take off soon. When you're devalued all the promises, love, and connection you thought you had is all gone.

Point two, future faking.

In my case, she was aware she was BPD and asked me to never change my future for her. She knew she will go cold on me. She told me she was in a relationship before me. Now that I think about it, she was subtly warning me. Sadly she split me soon after warning me and went cold.

Sometimes they lie about the future, my Ex did, but she warned me. Even if you're warned, it doesn't mean they will not soon abuse you. They have no control at all.

My closure was short. "You wanted more of it, and I didn't feel the same." After all the intense relationship where she asked me to be with her daily.

Future faking could be made on purpose... .or not. Both ways it will end badly when their emotions are stormy.

I'm sorry, my friends but it's hard to keep a relationship with a person who is not able to regulate their emotions or keep promises. You are healthy, they are not. Just wish them to heal, when they have a small chance of getting better.

I hope we all find healthy partners soon that is able to match our effort in a relationship.

[Mustbeabetterway]

 :hi:mraa90,

I'm sorry you are still having a hard time getting over your ex.  I know that is hurtful and frustrating.  It sounds like you have been doing a lot of reading.  What have you learned that is helping you to heal?  Is there anything in particular that stands out?

These intense relationships are difficult to get over.  I can attest to that myself.  It has been helful for me to get out and see friends.  It's also helpful for me to get out in nature.  Exercise is a great way to get more in touch wirh yourself.  What do you do to turn the focus on taking care of yourself?

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Mustbeabetterway

[Cromwell]

hi mraa90.

when you say you are not "over her"

what is the feeling, is it "miss her", "still love her?", "angry of how much pain she has caused and now dealing with?"

something else?

I see your doing a lot of research into her condtion, I did the same, I found some value in it. But I got more value when I looked deeper beyond what I first believed was "missing her" as a sign of pining for "lost love". it turned out to be a lot more complex. Recognising this became a key point in advancing towards getting better.

[mraa90]

Hello, Mustbeabetterway

Love and hate will make us strongly connected to a person. So I try to not feel both towards her. As Cromwell said, "Lost Love". To me, she's not a lost cause because she's a bad person, but because she's a damaged person. I have experienced that first hand. No matter how much I showed her I loved her, or how I tried to make each date perfect, she will turn cold. She did that to me after a couple of what I made sure to be a wonderful date in every way. Their emotions switching will make it impossible for you to satisfy them.

I read back in May an article and someone commented, "Like a vessel that is broken, you will never fill." I usually deny what people tell me because we tend to do that when people try to help us. But today, I can tell you that this random person was right.

When you treat people with love, you don't go beg for the same, but at least you expect something similar.