Just a beaten old dad

[Clarence]

I am developing a relationship with a son who has un-diagnosed BPD. He has had a serious history in his brief life. He has been under psychiatric care for nearly 3/4 of it. He has been through the rigors of this diagnosis and that treatment, then that diagnosis and this treatment. Yes, it does seem like a never ending complexity of a wonderful genetic sampling of myself. I wonder how I have ever come to this point in my own life, of understanding myself, and of seeing some clarity in my relationships. My son is the greatest quiz-show opportunity I've ever been given. He is extraordinary, he shows incredible love and kindness for nearly everyone but his family, and, particularly and openly, to me. We have been compared against each other since he was a toddler. I do not believe I ever told a significant relation that I wished she was dead, nor that I want to stand over that grave and openly pee on it. This is where we veer most tremendously. I am intuitive, and he is an immediate sensor. He grasps at life with his sensory determinations, and I am in root behavior, overly sensitive and empathetic. I have called him one who lacks any regard for compassion or others, but have opened to the reality he is more complex than I ever had entertained. He is loving, even rarely to me. He is looked somewhat fondly on by many peers, though he has perhaps one who he would ever call a friend. He is the source of most of the contention in my home, and is the reason a light is larger when that is repaired. As I stated, I am in awe of his personality. I just want others to know this. Feel free to converse, for I am ready to advance even more. God bless.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

  Welcome Clarence,

          I'm glad you're here, glad to hear you're developing a relationship with your son. You say he is un-diagnosed, yet share that he has had other diagnoses. Can you share what those are? Your explanation of him sounds like so many others who have BPD. Ranging from caring, loving to lacking regard for compassion of others. How much are you interacting with him? Please share more of your story.

[Turkish]

Your son sounds like he may be on the autism spectrum, do you think? My S8 is ASD1. I don't struggle so much now,  but I can foresee how he might be later. Though he was diagnosed two years ago,  we haven't shared that with him.  I prefer to interact with him as he is as a person.

How can this community help support you?

[Clarence]

To both of you experienced Ambassadors, I thank you for the wonderfully introspective questions. To the questions concerning the actual diagnoses he has received, he was diagnosed Bipolar Disorder and High Functioning Autistic (I still choose to refer to it as Asperger's Syndrome, for it is more chronic than a disorder may suggest). He is currently focused on his adulthood, which is to say, he is much, much less in our familial relationships as he is with his post-high school graduation life. He may not be, but I never will stop wishing to repair and strengthen our ties. The real reason I strongly see him as FULLY Borderline Personality Disorder, is made up of 18 years of transactions and experiences (yeah I am a dad who tries), and as I am very much more versed in the DSM-IV and DSM-V descriptions and symptomology/qualifications concerning BPD. He has always carried a Jeckyll/Hyde life. He was once adamantly told he was Reactive Attachment, but it was a biased opinion from one who had a son with it. She saw in our son what she wanted to. My son has been loving (and often doting on mom), but it has been lessening, getting rarer and rarer. I worry we may lose our son to the fury and spitting hellion he has become more and more. As I stated, I am told nearly daily of how much he hates me for ... .(just about anything I have ever said or done- not expiration date on anything. He chooses the time and place to 'hatefully regurgitate' at me.)
The loving son is nearer to extinction than I can ever stomach. It is as if he is dying and I will not commit to his end. It is the most painful experience, and trust me, I have had many to value it against. Thank you for so much compassionate concern.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Clarence, so sorry to hear of what you are going through with your son, your words touched me.

I never will stop wishing to repair and strengthen our ties.

What a heartfelt statement, I sincerely hope that you achieve what you are wishing for and if I was to wish, that is what I would wish for too.

I worry we may lose our son to the fury and spitting hellion he has become more and more. As I stated, I am told nearly daily of how much he hates me for ... .(just about anything I have ever said or done- not expiration date on anything. He chooses the time and place to 'hatefully regurgitate' at me.)
The loving son is nearer to extinction than I can ever stomach. It is as if he is dying and I will not commit to his end. It is the most painful experience, and trust me, I have had many to value it against.

I can totally relate to what you say here, I understand your worry and I know that it is a very real worry. I felt utterly helpless as my son slowly turned from being a most loving and caring person into someone who spewed hatred all over me until as you so aptly put it, my loving son reached extinction, and yes, it is unimaginably painful.

I just wanted to let you know that I get it and you are not alone