Help. She is my best friend.

[Laney girl]

We have been together since 2010. She is my best friend. I don't want to leave.  She's so cold and mean to me always.  She will not even hug me when I cry. Instead she gets pissed off  I feel so alone and need support.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi Laney Girl.  I'm glad you found us but so sorry things are painful for you now. 

Can you share some more about your situation so we can begin to help you?  What makes you think she has BPD?  What is your relationship status?

[Laney girl]

She's been diagnosed and started treatment a few years ago but stopped. We have been married for 3 years. Things have been escalating so bad so often lately. I am not sure where to go from here.  Her mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and is not doing well. I know she's going through a lot how do I help her? She attacks me at every turn, no matter what I do.

[once removed]

Her mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and is not doing well. I know she's going through a lot how do I help her?

this is a significant crisis in her life. at the moment, she may be emotionally unavailable to you, or anyone else.

tell us more about what is escalating and going on between the two of you. what are the interactions like, what are you saying/doing, and how she is mean and cold.

[merkaba1]

Hello,

I am very sorry to hear about your situation.  Where in the timeline does her mother's diagnosis fall into her behavior?  Is her mother a person she needs to do healing with? 

Having gone through some trauma with my pwBPD, I have often seen how events outside of our relationship caused great stress on her and I was the perfect target.  And trust me, I know I shouldn't take any of it personally, but it's really hard not to.

Perhaps finding a space of your own that you can go to during times of distress would help de-escalate things.

Best of luck and fill us in on more details