Been a long time What happens when your person w BPD starts getting arrested?

[boatingwoman]

TL:DR, have decided to have my s/BPD/bip arrested for trespassing and are getting restraining orders on her for DH and me.


Hey, everyone.  It’s been years.  Once I learned what I was dealing with and practiced everything learned here, I was able to deal with a few bumps, but mostly extracted her from my life and have been living an enjoyable life.  The best thing I ever did was removing her.

(Sister, now 42, with 3 kids under 6 and her mentally ill husband who is vulnerable and is getting crushed and likely dying under her thumb. He would probably be a lot better off mentally if he divorced her).

We had a big bump in 2015 with some likely trespasses on my second home and a possible B+E.  After that, I added cameras and a combination door lock with passcodes and which texts me whenever someone enters the door. I also added a nanny cam in the living area that I can access from my iPhone.  My exterior cameras are not user friendly and we don’t know how to access them online, etc.  I will be changing these cameras soon.

So, we have entered the phase of this where she trespassed recently and it was caught on camera.  I filed a police report via the phone with the responding deputy.  Since I hadn’t seen the video yet, and I didn’t have my file of transgressions and lawyer communications with her, I chose not to press charges.

(My brother was there washing and waxing my boat and I was on the phone with him when she opened the door)

I immediately regretted that. We have also decided to get restraining orders on her, which will cost $490.00 each, plus we will have a lawyer fill them out and attend the hearing on our behalf. (It helps that we have money, though not thrilled with spending it on this).

I also called CPS since she committed a crime while holding a 15 month old.

After consulting with a lawyer and the sheriff’s office, I am now going back there (FOO city) later this week to make a thumb drive with date and time stamp of the trespassing and to have the deputies come back where I will show them the file and also the video and give them a file and a thumb drive in an attempt to have her arrested.

The sheriff’s office suggested it would be easier for them to arrest her if we had a restraining order, so I am hopefully getting this process started this week, hopefully no later than early next week.

I’ve had it. I’m done. I tried JADE and all of that stuff (and it does work well), but she has had one rule all this time: no contact, do not come on my property.

A year ago it was her showing up at the holidays with her baby and I closed the door on her and told her to leave or I was calling sheriff.

4 months ago it was a letter attached to my mailbox by a clothes pin that I kept there unopened until it disintegrated.

Two years ago, it was a call to DH’s office asking about plans for my son’s HS graduation. (She threatened to come).

When my SIL died unexpectedly last fall, I hired an off duty police officer to attend the funeral to keep her out (she threatened to come).

Plus, you know, I have an enabling mother.  I think I’ve handled this all pretty well. VLC/NC and I have gone VLC with my mother as well.

My life significantly improved.

So... .here we are. It’s arrest and restraining order time.

I could use some insight from people who have gotten to this point.  Will it ramp up, or will I finally be rid of her forever? (It’s such a welcoming dream!)

Thank you for reading this very long post and update.

BW

[ForeverDad]

If you got the restraining order after her incursion, would you have to wait for the next intrusion?  IDK.  But I would think that as long as not too much time has passed then you could call the police back and ask whether you could now choose to press charges.  Ak, that's another IDK.  If you're using a lawyer, then those are legal questions a lawyer can answer.

However, keep holding to your firm boundary.  The slightest indication of weakness or waffling and she may feel her entitlement renewed.

[boatingwoman]

Thanks,  yes, I have been on the phone with the sheriff department, and I can amend the report since I have new information (have to get the trespassing on a thumb drive).

My DH got sick and had to go to the hospital for fluids, so I am off track with pursing this matter.  I will go Monday morning to FOO city and get on the RO and amending the report.

I will have to see what they say regarding the chicken and then egg:  do I arrest her first, then get RO, or the other way around.

I also ordered a Ring doorbell and a Ring motion sensor floodlight cam (also records during the day) since they will work with the hub I already have from the combination locks I already installed on the house. The fun part is that I can turn on the mic and tell her to get off my property  

The cameras I currently have are not user friendly at all, so hopefully these will be much easier to use.

I’ll keep you all posted.

[kells76]

The fun part is that I can turn on the mic and tell her to get off my property

Do you have audio recording in case you do have to tell her to leave? Would it record what she said?

Sounds like you're really covering your bases. Best of luck;

kells76

[boatingwoman]

I don’t know if it can record (interesting point), but it does have 2 way radio, so I assume it would record sound also.  I’ll let you know.

Nothing much to report here.  I called the non emergency 911 number yesterday and had a sheriff deputy come out to meet me and discuss if the report needed to be amended, to show the trespassing video and get general advice.

It was a different deputy. So I feel like I learned a lot. I had already typed up a memo and emailed and texted it to sBPD saying no contact and no trespass along with no calls, texts to us, the kids, my MIL etc. spelled it out.

Deputy said I didn’t need proof that she read it, only that I sent it. Keep a copy in the file.

So basically, I’m 50/50 on getting restraining order. Now that she received the letter (I’m sure she did, what pwBPD could resist some drama), and we had the kids send her texts and emails too saying no contact and no treapass, the sheriff will have no problem arresting her next time.

The civil restraining order is apparently a simple process, anyone can get one on anyone else here. Since it isn’t a domestic violence one, (which is free), the cost is $490 a person.

So I’m thinking i’m Ok for now. Maybe don’t need the RO, but worried I will regret this later. I’m going to sit on it for 2 weeks and see how I feel. I don’t need to do it by a certain time or date.

The only thing is... .it’s awfully quiet.  Too quiet. I have heard no rumblings thought the family, no incidents, etc. I half think this scared her to bits and she is afraid now (she has always seemed afraid of taking it to a level where she gets arrested), or I half think something big is about to happen. Lord, I hope not.  She will end up in jail eventually, let’s face it.

We are installing the ring video floodlight and ring video doorbell hopefully by Saturday.