at my wits end

[Campingmomma]

My 21 yr old daughter has BPD. Its been a long road with several IP hospital stays for depression/suicide attempts, partial hospital courses and currently extensive OP therapy (DBT).  Never finding the right medication to help stabilize.  Its all exhausting.  She lives with us and never really has had a job other than an occasional babysitting or paid for her photography.  Definitely compulsive and when she gets interested in something its 24 hours,  lots of money and non stop.  My house and a storage unit is filled with collections of her obsessions (Disney, crafts, make-up, jewelry etc.).  She used to be very social and by end of high school had lost most friendships.  She has the most understanding and patient boyfriend ever who has stood by her for over 4 years.  Since starting her latest therapy group she has definitely had some improvement with trying to gain friendships back and is wanting to be out of the house.  I was thinking that this was a great thing. But her gained freedom  seems to  become almost a problem.  About 3 weeks ago she decided to ask her boyfriend for a "break". She was "bored" with him. She is hanging with a new group that she won't share anything about with her BF or her parents.  She stays out till all hours of the night.  Drinking and smoking pot (from what her sister tells me). She avoids talking to me or her dad.  And she's left her BF hanging in limbo.  If we talk to her while she's in the house she basically gets mean and short tempered with us.  This is a drastic change from how she was just 3 weeks ago.   It scares me to death,  I basically cry at any given moment of the day out of worry, frustration, fear, bewilderment of what has happened to the daughter that I used to get to hang out with.   I rationalize my thoughts that she's doing what most of her peers have been doing for the last 3 years after HS with gaining independence but its such a drastic change that it scares me.  So my question to the group is,  is this normal when going through therapy to want to leave everything from your past behind?   How should I be handling this?    And by the way,  I'm so extremely happy that I have stumbled upon this board as I have felt so alone for years. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello CampingMom,
Welcome to the group. I am glad to meet you although sorry for what brings you here. Life with a child with BPD can be challenging to say the least. I am glad you found us. You ask if it is normal to want to leave everything behind because of therapy. I honestly don't know. Therapy did not have that affect on me but I am not your daughter. Did she say why she feels she has to do this?

[Campingmomma]

that's the problem,  she went from telling me a lot about her and her struggles to not speaking to me at all.  Only time she addresses me if when she wants or needs something.  Its like she was replaced by another person.    I will say that reading some of the posts,  I probably should be grateful that I don't have the problems that many do.   I am still holding on to the hope that her getting through the DBT program will help her. Currently she is in intensive therapy so the year long DBT program hasn't officially started but they are using DBT during this therapy as well.  I do know that she is very willing to go to therapy which is very different than before. For that,  I'm very grateful.  I am a RN, so I am reading and studying and going to every conference etc. that I can to get a better understanding of this disorder to understand and assist her.  When I graduated from nursing back in the 1980's BPD was hardly mentioned.  And from what I have read not very well understood.   She truly is a very caring sweet person and I know that is still the core of her.  So this new attitude and scowling look she currently wears while around me and her father is very uncharacteristic.

[FaithHopeLove]

It sounds like, for all her troubles, your daughter still has a lot going for her, a solid support system and a willingness to do therapy. That is huge.  It is not unusual for people with BPD to go NC (non-communication) for a while. It is one of their defense mechanisms when things get too intense. Hopefully it will pass. Meanwhile you are doing the right thing by learning all you can about BPD and reaching out to this group. Have you thought about therapy for yourself?

[stampingt1]

Hello CampingMom,

Sorry that you are going through all of this!  Glad that you are educating yourself on BPD. I, too, would suggest counseling for you.

Good luck!