High functioning vs low functioning BPD

[PeaceMom]

Wondering about this as I believe most things exist on a spectrum. When I read thru the posts I’m so curious about those who graduate from college and are financially independent. Would you all agree that this is due to the fact that they are “high functioning”? I assume that their BPD doesn’t affect them out in the world too much as college graduates must work with others, manage their time well, excel in school work, usually live on their own, and plan well. To be financially independent, one must keep a job, get bills paid on time and be generally responsible. A lot of these traits and skills are very difficult for my emotionally Dysregulated DD19. She just made her 2nd attempt at college and after saying she totally understands her class, failed the 1st exam and says she will now drop out.  Her inability to calmly work thru stress means she doesn’t study, review or prepare methodically or properly so this result is typical. We’ve had her tested for a LD but none showed up. Would appreciate any insight here.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

I've heard Gunderson, one of the leading experts on BPD, say that the DSM needs to move toward a spectrum that captures degrees of severity. Sure seems to make sense.

SD22 finished college. She also has extreme perfectionism that jacks up her anxiety to a 10 no matter how minor the issue is. Most of her assignments she completed weeks ahead of the deadline. If she got behind (even with time to hand things in), she panicked. I found it hard to be in the house with her when she was doing online classes, the stress, anxiety, and perfectionism was palpable. She needed constant reassurance and was fixated on grades. Even though her major is different from her dad's, she would text and call daily, multiple times, asking for feedback.

So she's high functioning, and also required above average levels of assistance.

It will be interesting to see if her high-functioning abilities extend to getting a job as a teacher. She is socially awkward -- she gets a very blank look on her face when she's disassociating and I'm not sure how an interviewer would respond to that. Her neediness seems palpable to me, maybe it's just me, tho.

We're grateful that she chose the teaching profession because it's a more nurturing environment in general, and she will likely benefit from the kinds of professional development she'll receive for assisting students with behavioral issues and anxiety/depression.

Do you think your DD19 experiences crippling perfectionism?

Does she have any older siblings who have made their way through college?

[PeaceMom]

Gosh, LNL-that would be very tough to live with. Sounds similar to OCD-type behavior. My DD is our only adopted child and I think her attachment disorder morphed into BPD and during the years when she should have been learning how to learn she was busy trying to deal with her crazy emotions. Her 3 older brothers do better in school and have been fairly successful in college. They are having other huge issues these days which we now believe may stem from growing up with this BPD sister who created huge family dysfunction. UGH!
My wish is for each of my 4 to deal with their MH issues and be independent and stable in the world. A simple, doable wish for 90% of parents I know. But a bit of a longshot for any parent who’s kids have MH challenges.

[PeaceMom]

And yes DD May have some perfectionistic tendencies but unfortunately very little ability to get the results she’s searching for. Your SD sounds like she gets the results she needs (even if it requires everyone to pitch in and assist). Is she happy with her outcomes or does she always fall short in her mind? I’ve read this is called the “defeated perfectionist complex”. Never good enough...

[Swimmy55]

My son has a college degree and is low functioning. He had explosive episodes and got fired three times within 2 years. So no , education has had no effect in his case

[Swimmy55]

I guess it is a case by case basis now that I think more on high functioning vs low.  I have to add that in my DS ‘s case, he was severely incapacitated 10 years ago and spent most of ‘09 in a psychiatric and then therapeutic hospital.  In spite of this he somehow managed to get into college and got a degree in 5 years.  Lots of public meltdowns , ER visits, taking off a semester because he wanted to die, etc etc. It was a kicking and screaming 5 years. He did/ does have mood disorder and substance abuse along with BPD though.  So your child’s anxiety along with the BPD may not be an indicator of success / failure necessarily.

[Swimmy55]

To be positive , your child is in school and trying.  that is a lot to be thankful for right there.

[livednlearned]

Is she happy with her outcomes or does she always fall short in her mind? I’ve read this is called the “defeated perfectionist complex”. Never good enough...

I guess it's a mix. Doing well seems to cause two responses. She wants praise for her accomplishments, more so than what might be considered typical. Then she is extremely anxious about her achievements and what comes next.

I wonder if your DD is worried that success = abandonment? That seems to be a fairly standard concern for BPD sufferers, even if it's hard for them to articulate.