At the End of My Rope

[NoLonger]

Trigger Warning:
I am new here, but I am not knew to this feeling. This incredible guilt, that gets lashed upon me day after day. It was good for a short 2 month period when my husband and I had our home finally to ourselves. Then my daughter came knocking ,  with two little kids in tow that have been my whole life . I am leaving him, I really am, I have no place to go. I will only be here for a couple of months. 18 months later, I had to give her a deadline. She has until August to get out. If the place she finds is not suitable for the children then they can stay here but SHE has to GO. I struggle everyday trying to wrap my head around how she is processing things, or how in gods name has she thought this PLEASE READ up. In her mind, her childhood is completely imagined.. Its things that didn't even happen. She hit puberty and changed. She became a roller coaster of emotions. Self harming, so many trips to hospitals and dr.s and psychiatrists who literally she lied to every single one and then she tells me she wished I had of gotten her some  help. The lies, every thing out of her mouth is a lie. She has a 7 year old daughter and a 5 year old son who has ADHD and Asperbergers but she won't get help not even for them. She starts meds and therapy then stops .. I know she isn't taking her medication, she has "fallen" in love again. This one, seems nice on the surface but who knows as he has already stopped her from seeing her best friend. Her last relationship was 7 years with a  naracisstic physcopath. He has created more issues in her. Her father and I are to blame for everything that has gone wrong in her life. Ask her, she will tell you what an awful person I am. She does not like rules, and completely disregards anyone elses feelings. I know I can not be the only one, who dreads the text message or phone call. I broke down at work last week as she completely lost it with me about something I had absolutely nothing to do with. I then engaged, I know it was wrong but I am so tired.. Sometimes I just want to stop it all and I think if Im not here maybe she will see I did try and I do love her, I just can't do this anymore. I am afraid, afraid for her children. For either they are with her, or the other .. They have no chance. My heart is severely broken.As of now her and her NEW Love have found a place. A small Place which I know as she has moved 10 times in her daughters life time that she will grow to hate as she is not happy with anything but getting high . How do you all live with this.. I know my husband has said things that have hurt her, I get it.. he wasn't right , i always told him she blames me for staying married to him, it's my fault, you should have left him, maybe I wouldn't be this way.. She has had mental breakdowns but wouldn't go for help. How do you survive.. ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[LoveOnTheRocks]

Hi NoLonger:  I am NOT one of the ones who at the moment is living with my BPDD20, but as I raised her with my husband for all these years, and up till recently, I know everything you write of...and just want to tell you...you are not alone and what you are dealing with has been exactly (almost) my life, too.  I have recently come to the place where my BPD child cannot ever live with me again.  It's astonishing to hear myself say that and there are so many feelings I have about the fact that I am saying it...but it is what it is...that's just where I am with this stuff.
I am trying to learn on this site and certainly reading all the posts of all the others actually makes me feel less crazy inside...because so many are experiencing exactly what I am, so I somehow don't take it so personal when I realize this is the case.  I rue the day I met my daughter's father, who also has BPD, and wish I knew so much more then...but again, it is what it is.
I am just reaching back to you today to say...I feel your pain and I completely understand and yes, it is overwhelming and sad and so many other adjectives...but I am ok today...and that is certainly something! 

[NoLonger]

Thank you so much for reaching out. My daughter knows she can no longer come home to live. Her children will always have a home as they didn't ask for this. Its so hard as one day you can say something and it is taking with a laugh and oh mom and the next day say the same thing and get ripped apart. My husband he has issues, I know that but I do not think my daughter has ever took responsibility for anything she has done wrong in whole entire life. She is hard, so hard to talk to .. She doesn't talk, she screams at us her kids everyone. When she was a preteen she had this tone.. You know that tone, that you look at your kid and say, It's not what you say it is how you say it tone. We tried to get through to her but she never got it. Her little girl has that same tone, I am approaching her differently , using all the techniques I am learning. Hopefully she will be okay.

[PeaceMom]

NoLonger,
I’m here too reading your posts. I have a DD ubpd19 who does live with us and it’s not very enjoyable. Right when I started typing this, she walked out the door yelling that she had asked 4 times for a certain grocery store item and that I go to the store every da*n day, but still didn’t buy it for her, so she has to go herself... I specifically told her last week that it is only available at a specialty store where I never shop... ugh!

 My whole mantra with her is to not let her pull me in to the mud and to avoid letting her behavior and words destroy my zen. I’ve learned to let things roll off me and I do not take the bait she throws. We are quite disconnected, but it saves my sanity.

This forum is great for venting and for asking specially for suggestions when our brains are foggy. I’ve been reading backward through the  last page of discussion questions forward and am about 1/2 way through (Im in 2016). I can usually pick out topics that are relevant by the topic name and follow along. What is glaringly obvious is that every parent that has posted exudes intelligence, insightfulness, compassion and wisdom. It’s a remarkable group and reaffirms what science is now proving -that BPD is NOT simply the result of bad parenting! Keep posting