My daughter has stopped me seeing my grandchildren

[Elizabeth1960]

Hi everyone. My adult daughter has BPD, although from the age of 8 she was diagnosed with ASD. She is 33 now so I couldn't begin to explain how difficult life has been all these years. However, 4 months ago, my granddaughter, her eldest daughter came to live with me, due to difficulties she was having with her mental health. Apart from a number of abusive messages in the first week or so, my daughter has not spoken to me since. She tells everyone who will listen that I've got what I always wanted now. I've always been there for my daughter and have helped her perhaps too much and put up with her abuse, making excuses for her behaviour and decisions constantly. Everyone always told me this, but I couldn't stop and now I feel I've made her worse. She has 7 children and I've played a massive part in their lives. But she hasn't let me see them because of this. I love my grandchildren so much, they  stayed with me every weekend, we went on day trips, I took them on holidays ( not all at once) and to clubs etc. I am devastated. My daughter has stopped me seeing them on numerous occasions,  but within a week or two she would act like nothing had happened. As much as she has really hurt me, I still worry how she is coping without me in her life, and I worry how the children are coping too. Sorry for the long post, just needed to get it off my chest.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Blueskyday]

Ohh Elisabeth, I know how hard it has been. Ive been dealing with this with my daughter since she was 10. We were going to Dysney land Paris. I put plats in her hair and kissed her goodnight. I didn't know the kid who woke the next day. She was sad all through the Paris trip. She was never the same. Her period came on her 11th birthday so I am guessing hormones played a part.

We had a rough start but I always thought she loved me. She doesn't like me that is for sure. Her child adores me and that has always been a problem for her. She tried to stop me seeing the child ( almost 8) one time. I must have been pretty scary as she didn't try that again.

 I have done  everything possible to help her but she has another new BF so I only see her when she needs babysitting.

She says, my child will move in with you when she's old enough. she likes you more than me..She totally ignores her neglect of the child emotionally.

Your Grandchildren know you love them. You have to find that impossible line to walk on.

I am being blackened and ignored for saying nothing. If it wasnt so sad it would be funny
If it

[Elizabeth1960]

Thank you for your reply. It's so hard to deal with when all we've ever done is love them. My daughter always says her eldest loves me more than her, but like in your case, she can't or won't see the huge part she has played in their relationship problems. She sends messages to my granddaughter criticizing me, she hates that my gd now feels much better mentally. I know I've not done anything to deserve all of this, and it's taken me this long to realise that she will never change. I'll always be the bad guy and she the victim.

[Blueskyday]

There are times when I forget and imagine we are a happy family but its my delusion. She uses me when she needs me and I am literally discarded when she has a new best friend who hasn't heard the poison. Then they often see through her and trail off or she discards them as they displeased her.

I don't think things will ever improve for me and her. I did the work. I now go less often and stay for a shorter time..Even this is proving to be a minefield as she has the new best friend.

You said it...now your Grandbaby feels better mentally and yoir daughter isnt happy..What the heck is that!