Not sure where i stand

[howdidigethere]

I've been dating a younger woman with most traits of at least bpd for about 1.5 years. I broke with her at about the 9 month mark because i couldn't take it anymore but we remained talking via text and started dating again about 3 months ago. During the breakup i read the books, watched the videos, learned all i could until i felt i could handle it again. I took me a few months to get her back.

I'm at a point where i'm just trying to determine if i am only being used or toyed with while she finds the next person is already cheating. I'll try to give a high level overview of how things go.

When we are together she stays at my place for 4-5 days straight until she decides she needs to go home, at that point we text constantly, if i don't reply she starts with the accusations. After about 3 days apart it starts getting worse, at that point i need to push to get to see her again.

I do enjoy our time together very much, even though it's peppered with me walking on eggshells and her making constant false accusations. basically any woman we see she asks if i want her...

I'm going to make a list to explain our dynamic as writing stresses me out.

She doesn't work
i support her financially and emotionally
she is terrified of public places and speaking to people
i have never met her family or a friend
she is very mentally abusive
sometimes she is very loving (i need you, i love you)
sometimes she is cold
i feel she has no respect for me, she has been blowing me off when we have plans sometimes
intimacy has gone from 3 times a day in the beginning to once or twice week
she is not in therapy
she threatens she is out "having fun" some nights but it's hard to believe because she is such a recluse
she will not say she wants to breakup if i ask
she often blames her actions on "everything i've done to her"
she often accuses me of cheating or talking to others
she often insists i get her pregnant and/or marry her
I obviously have limited boundaries
I have learned a lot(splitting, gaslighting, projection, codependency, SET, DBT, JADE, etc)
i am constantly analyzing her words and behaviors but its difficult to know what is what
I am in therapy to cope
typical responses from her are:
how are you? IDK
What are you doing? Nothing
I love you/ i miss you? I love you too/OH
do you miss me? IDK

This past week she flipped out over something trivial and said she was leaving, I questioned where she was going and called her out on a lie i caught her in before about her whereabouts which really pissed her off(obviously). It's been 7 days now which is on the long side for us, she texts constantly and expects a reply but refuses to see or meet me accept once to get some money to pay a bill.

I am always confused with if i should continue telling her i love her, i am here or if i should pull back and risk her acting out. I am not at the point of walking away which i am ashamed of.

The one boundary i believe i still have is cheating, i am focused on trying to determine if that has/is happening or if she is finding comfort with someone else when she is away. she lives with a family member and it is difficult to determine what she is up to.

I'm sorry for rambling but i had to join and post because i've read every google result 3 times at this point and want to hear others opinions of my situation.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.