Let me join
Tsunami and
starryeyed in saying welcome!
You've found a safe and supportive community here full of people who can understand what you're going through.
We have a lot of articles and workshops on this site that can be a big help. They're under the tabs at the top of this page and on our Tools and skills workshops page in the forums. And if you haven't already, I'd recommend the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was a HUGE help to me in understanding my husband.
I hope you don't mind if I ask a couple of questions but knowing more details can really help us help you better. First of all, has your wife been diagnosed with BPD and has she had any therapy?
When you feel like it, I hope you'll share more details of your relationship (and what behaviors of hers are damaging it). As I said, the more we know, the more we can help.