loyalwife
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 197
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« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2019, 04:38:04 AM » |
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Hi Silverstars! As difficult as is it is, your girlfriend is pushing you away, which translates to, move back. When she pushes you, instead of coming forward, do the opposite. You don't need to treat her the same way she is treating you, just less needy. pwBPD will push/pull (you can read a lot about that here), and even when she is pulling you closer, keep in mind that you need to pull back a bit. It keeps things level. It sounds like you practice this when you feel she needs her space and "doesn't want you around." It gives her time to readjust her emotions. You aren't neglecting or deserting her; you're taking care of yourself. The answer to your question of how to correspond with her, when everything you say and do is wrong, is to stop trying to justify (JADE). It's difficult when you love someone not to want to share your life with them, in every area. But this isn't about you not doing something right or saying the right thing. It's about her. She isn't accepting what you say or do, because she doesn't want to. This can change, as it frequently does and what you do and say wrong one day, will be perfectly okay the next. It is crazy thinking, but then, this is why we are all here. To help one another navigate this behavior in those we love and care about. The next time she complains or tries to start an argument, set some boundaries. Do so strongly and with conviction to let her know what you will and will not tolerate. This may take some time to figure out, and doing this at an appropriate time is critical. Find a time that she is receptive to hearing your thoughts. I think you should commend yourself for knowing to keep your distance when asked. During the times that are giving her space, take care of yourself. Part of being in a relationship with a pwBPD is self-perseverance. We can't change their behavior, but we can learn to love ourselves when they can't. Hope this helps.
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