killing me softly with your words ( blocked out of nowhere )

[e_blueisland]

I've been reading the posts here and you guys are definitely telling my whole story with your words ...The similarity is really remarkable ...Well , my story goes like this ... I've met this guy online 10 months ago and we started chatting frequently , everything was going well and we became more and more involved ...Suddenly , he blocked me , for no reason at all , we didn't argue, nothing ...Then , one month later, he texted me again and we started chatting again as if nothing had happened . But I started paying attention to the details more . Sometimes , he would become angry about very petty stuff...You guys know how limited online communication is but even so I could notice his rapid mood swings . I felt that something was off ...He mentioned a few times about being adopted so I guess the resentment about being abandoned by his biological mother is really important to him ...I felt like I was talking to Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde ...
Then the last time we talked , about 2 weeks ago , he opened himself to me and admitted having this mood swings , becoming angry sometimes , then depressed and not wanting to talk to anyone ... But all in all, it was such a beautiful conversation ... He told me I was his queen , that I was nice and he couldn't resist me , etc , etc and then a few minutes after we talked , BOOM ... He blocked me again ...No argument , no fight , nothing ! I 'm still completely shell-shocked . It's like I was hit by a truck .I've never felt more lost in my life . I couldn't understand what was happening and why this was happening ...
I found this video recommendation on You Tube a few days ago about BPD and it was an epiphany ! I felt a little bit relieved when I learned about the mood swings , the splitting , the fear of abandonment . Now I understand this wasn't my fault , he clearly had a splitting . He rejected me before I could reject him , it was a pre-emptive strike. I came too close and I almost saw everything that is inside of him...
But I still feel so hurt , my heart is bleeding so much because I really love him . It makes me suffer even more because I know he is suffering too . He is pushing away everyone who cares about him...
I would like to hear your thoughts about this

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[Harri]

Hello! 

What happened is painful and bewildering.  I had similar with my ex.  He too would run after revealing too much or opening up with me.  It hurts.

I felt a little bit relieved when I learned about the mood swings , the splitting , the fear of abandonment . Now I understand this wasn't my fault , he clearly had a splitting . He rejected me before I could reject him , it was a pre-emptive strike. I came too close and I almost saw everything that is inside of him...

I think this is pretty accurate.  How have you handled his periods of silence in the past?  What about when he unblocks you and resumes contact, how does that happen?  Are you able to discuss this with him after he is back to baseline?

I hope you share more of your story.  Also, reading and posting in other threads is a great way to build a support network plus, we often learn a lot by helping others as it is easier to see issues that are not our own and then apply solutions in our own relationship.

Again, welcome.