I'm emotionally battered after leaving my ex who has BPD but doesn't accept it

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,
I've just joined and could really do with some help to move forward..

I've had to finally walk away from a roller coaster 3 year relationship with my ex girlfriend who I'm convinced has BPD but won't accept she has any issues and puts all blame for things on me.
From the start of the relationship the red flags were there and I should have known better but I guess I was a vulnerable single dad raising two kids on my own.
She has openly said she has never trusted me and I know this is caused by a previous relationship she hasn't dealt with as she was cheated on also say's she was raped...I have begged her to speak to someone about this to get help but she refuses to do so.
She would text me constantly and if I didn't reply immediately she would text again with a question mark or ask what's I'm up to...she would also leave countless voicemails particularly when she was in a bad mood which would escalate if I didn't reply. Some of the voicemails were pretty horrific!
She would never accept when she was wrong or out of order and would shout and become pretty aggressive in her arguments which made me feel pretty scared if I'm honest as she would follow me if I left a room during an argument and just wouldn't accept things until she had the last word. She was also violent towards me once punching me round the head about 20 times whilst I lay on my bed after an argument.

1 month into the relationship she was pregnant although I thought I was being careful. She refused to go on the pill and claimed she wouldn't be able to get pregnant as she had to go through special treatment to become pregnant with her daughter who was 6.
This caused more arguments as I wanted to try and build a relationship to see if we were going to work out but she insisted on having the baby anyway. About 24 weeks into the pregnancy we lost the baby and again she didn't accept talking to someone for very long and the couple of times she went she just said she talked about me being a rubbish partner and not really addressing things to help her move forward.

We tried to move forward and bought a house together as their was a lovely side to her which I loved soo much but she had this other side I thought I could help fix.
I ended up moving out after 5 weeks as she was impossible to live with and like the relationship as a whole it was literally like walking on egg shells.

6 months later she was pregnant again and I'm convinced she did something to cause it because I was so careful with protection but we now have a 1 year old son.

She has so many traits of BPD including excessive spending as she has Amazon deliveries on a daily basis along with new clothes constantly. She also always wears fake tan and make up along with dying her hair from ginger to blonde.
She is so jealous and particularly if a girl/woman talks to me no matter what age they are. She will always ask how I know them and if I have ever slept with them.

When I did walk away she contacted my family, friend and even my ex to try and paint me out to be something really bad even though she couldn't accept losing me and would beg for me to come back to her...this was really strange and upsetting for everyone.
When she flipped out she would call me a narcissist and a bully. She would particularly call me a bully when I would ask her nicely if we could talk to someone and would twist my words and excuse me of calling her mental.

There's so much more but if anyone can relate to this I'd love to hear from you.

P,S I tried speaking to her family about it all as they have first hand witnessed her go mad at me for no reason at all but they refuse to accept anything is wrong as she is painting a completely different picture.
She will also try and manipulate everything I say.

It's so draining and I feel very lost and battered as I did love her but I knew the relationship was so toxic and I feared it getting worse.

[TAS]

Hi,
I've just joined and could really do with some help to move forward..

I've had to finally walk away from a roller coaster 3 year relationship with my ex girlfriend who I'm convinced has BPD but won't accept she has any issues and puts all blame for things on me.
From the start of the relationship the red flags were there and I should have known better but I guess I was a vulnerable single dad raising two kids on my own.
She has openly said she has never trusted me and I know this is caused by a previous relationship she hasn't dealt with as she was cheated on also say's she was raped...I have begged her to speak to someone about this to get help but she refuses to do so.
She would text me constantly and if I didn't reply immediately she would text again with a question mark or ask what's I'm up to...she would also leave countless voicemails particularly when she was in a bad mood which would escalate if I didn't reply. Some of the voicemails were pretty horrific!
She would never accept when she was wrong or out of order and would shout and become pretty aggressive in her arguments which made me feel pretty scared if I'm honest as she would follow me if I left a room during an argument and just wouldn't accept things until she had the last word. She was also violent towards me once punching me round the head about 20 times whilst I lay on my bed after an argument.

1 month into the relationship she was pregnant although I thought I was being careful. She refused to go on the pill and claimed she wouldn't be able to get pregnant as she had to go through special treatment to become pregnant with her daughter who was 6.
This caused more arguments as I wanted to try and build a relationship to see if we were going to work out but she insisted on having the baby anyway. About 24 weeks into the pregnancy we lost the baby and again she didn't accept talking to someone for very long and the couple of times she went she just said she talked about me being a rubbish partner and not really addressing things to help her move forward.

We tried to move forward and bought a house together as their was a lovely side to her which I loved soo much but she had this other side I thought I could help fix.
I ended up moving out after 5 weeks as she was impossible to live with and like the relationship as a whole it was literally like walking on egg shells.

6 months later she was pregnant again and I'm convinced she did something to cause it because I was so careful with protection but we now have a 1 year old son.

She has so many traits of BPD including excessive spending as she has Amazon deliveries on a daily basis along with new clothes constantly. She also always wears fake tan and make up along with dying her hair from ginger to blonde.
She is so jealous and particularly if a girl/woman talks to me no matter what age they are. She will always ask how I know them and if I have ever slept with them.

When I did walk away she contacted my family, friend and even my ex to try and paint me out to be something really bad even though she couldn't accept losing me and would beg for me to come back to her...this was really strange and upsetting for everyone.
When she flipped out she would call me a narcissist and a bully. She would particularly call me a bully when I would ask her nicely if we could talk to someone and would twist my words and excuse me of calling her mental.

There's so much more but if anyone can relate to this I'd love to hear from you.

P,S I tried speaking to her family about it all as they have first hand witnessed her go mad at me for no reason at all but they refuse to accept anything is wrong as she is painting a completely different picture.
She will also try and manipulate everything I say.

It's so draining and I feel very lost and battered as I did love her but I knew the relationship was so toxic and I feared it getting worse.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Since you have a child together and will likely have some ongoing contact for some years, I’m going to move your post to the Bettering board, even though it sounds like you’re done with the relationship.

There you will learn strategies that reduce conflict and improve your boundaries so that her behavior won’t have as much of a deleterious impact upon you.

[TAS]

Thankyou!
I would be so grateful to hear from people that have experienced this type of thing for themselves if that's possible

Since you have a child together and will likely have some ongoing contact for some years, I’m going to move your post to the Bettering board, even though it sounds like you’re done with the relationship.

There you will learn strategies that reduce conflict and improve your boundaries so that her behavior won’t have as much of a deleterious impact upon you.