Preparing to get diagnosis

[WanderColossus]

Hi, I posted my first post a few months ago but didn’t follow up too much on it.  The last year, and then the last 4 months in particular were very stressful and exhausting.  My wife is very dependent and depressed so virtually everything falls to me, and I am exhausted.   On top of that my wife has been increasingly raging at me most times we have contact these data, and would prefer not to see me at all.  The rates are scary and exhausting for both of us.
The positive thing is that I have learned a lot from this board and from a number of books I have read and have reduced the triggers that cause her to feel bad which in turn triggers dysregulation, and I’ve also learned to disarm a little in early stages of dysregulation and to try to step away during the later stages which become abusive and cross boundaries.  While she has had some technical treatment over the past 9 months, I made a psychologist appointment with her consent (although there was an alteration of “why didn’t you get me help this whole time,” and also “you’re just making this appointment to make me look crazy.” ) In any case, we did have the initial consult and we set up assessments for both of us.  In my case I might have some traits that clash with emotional instability, and also if I wasn’t codependent before I probably am now.

So, there’s going to be a month of assessments (which the psychologist mentioned would also look for personality disorders).  I did talk to the psychologist who said she offers DBT and CBT.  

I’ve been reading Feeling Good (Burns) for myself and I do recognize some of the cognitive distortions in my internal dialogue.  Most of the time when my wife is talking to me, it is mostly crystal fear cognitive distortions about herself and me and life.  But anyway, as we go through the assessment and hopefully after that begin treatment, does anyone have any experiences to share regarding that process?

Thank you

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.