Trust in timing. Poured out of me. Shocked. Grateful. Letter to mom

[Imatter33]

Dear Mom,

I do not think you would recognize me today.
I do not really recognize myself either, but I’ll tell you this I like who I see in the mirror.
I am not afraid to say no.
 I am not afraid to distance myself from people and things that are not good for me.
I am learning to say what I need before I am angry.
I am learning to end fights by silence.
To cool off is power.

I am raising a beautiful child.
My marriage is experiencing healing.
I am full of joy at my progress.

I see you compassionately.
I know as a woman you have deep desires for your life and purpose.
I know as a mom you do love fiercely.
I think I am done blaming you for your skill deficits.
This does not mean we will talk soon.
This does not mean I am not hurting.
This does not  mean you are not responsible for you.

In fact Mom,
So many of our fights and disagreements, boiled-down to control.
We fought much of the time because you thought I did not think you could be responsible.

Well I was wrong.
You are responsible and absolutely can own your life and choices.
I respect them.
I do not have to be involved in anything I do not want to be.
I respect me.

This does not mean I do not love you.

I too, love you fiercely. A trait passed down.. no doubt.

You are a good woman, a good soul.
Not the best mom but that is okay.

I love you.

I am not guilt free.

However, with this written down I realize my time away from you is helping me love you more.

And that is nothing to feel badly about.

Your Daughter,
Me

* Written only for me at this time.* Another version is likely to spring from this one that I would feel comfortable sending potentially.*

*The realization that my being NC is a loving act  to her is so huge. I posted in my introduce yourself post that my biggest issue was finding a way to love her right now.
I don't know how I put that together. I really don't. I just felt so much love in writing the letter, and as many of you know my previous feeling was fury.

WHOA.

[Harri]

Hi.   

That is a powerful letter and I am glad you are at a point where you could write it all out and share with us.  Well done... and yes, you have learned things!   

Is this a letter for you or did you send it?

[pursuingJoy]

Your kid is so lucky to have you.   

[Imatter33]

Harri and PJ,
 

[TelHill]

This is fantastic! You hit the nail on the head about detaching with compassion. I plan to save and read this daily along with my meditation. 

Does it matter if mom gets this or not? You’ve got it!

Thank you.  

[Methuen]

A powerful, beautiful, and amazing poem.

[SunnyVale]

Thank you for sharing!

What you said about going NC is for her as much as you really hits home.

Struggling at the moment, needed to hear this.

I wish you all the best