Is it possible to have a BPD partner actually trust you and stop sabotaging the relationship? Do they ever heal enough that you as the person closest to them stop being the target of their insecurities and fears? Does anyone have a happily ever after to tell me? All of my reading online has said no... that certainly is a scary thought to have the rollercoaster never ever stop. I have spent this year believing that healing would happen and perhaps it may never completely stop, but it would slow down or perhaps defuse faster over time. Do I have unrealistic expectations?
Joelina
Hi Joelina…. and welcome.
As you will ascertain here, everyone wants what is best for you. You paint a very positive minded attitude and truly it depends on how honest you are being with yourself about what you want in a relationship, and perhaps more importantly - why you want it.
I applaud your sense of optimism.
How much do you know about the dynamics of BPD?
Are you and your partner willing and desirous of wanting to be together enough to regularly invest in couples counselling?
True love, I believe, sees a couple as a whole and does not count score. Just because someone has a disorder, doesn't meant the relationship won't work. I know someone who is an amputee - one leg and she bore two beautiful children. Her "condition" means lots of allowances for their marital relations to take place in love and honesty. I know someone else who is confined to a wheelchair, and that too means lots of allowances between she and her husband.
See my point. The diagnosis is not the point. Being able and willing to meet each other in the middle of whatever challenges that presents - that's the point.
I would suggest that you might explore what the things that you can offer each other to factor your partner's bpd into the relationship will tell the tale.
Good luck.
I hope this makes sense.
Rev