I feel lost...

[SissyLala]

I feel lost. Stuck in the desert, stranded on an island, lost on top of the highest mountain and running out of oxygen.
After 4 years of indescribable rage, hatred, love, admiration, and ultimately torture, MY psychiatrist indicated that my husband sounded like he had BPD. Hmm? Ok? That sounds bad. She gave me a book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells." I anxiously read the book. A wave of relief. Some kind of explanation! When the time was right and he was in a good place, I brought it up to him with book in hand, as if it were my Holy Bible. To my shock, he reacted the same as I did. Relief. I saw hope and I truly think he did, too.
I want to take my life back, empower myself, set healthy boundaries, and improve my relationship with my husband. I hope I can learn from everyone here and any tips, pointers, lessons you want to throw my way...please do so!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[bigbear007]

His reaction is probably the best you could have hoped for. My advice as someone who has BPD would be to try and make your life outside of your relationship as stress free as possible, so finances, or other issues which may cause both of you stress, try to either not discuss them or not discuss them with him, at least until he has started some therapy or has a different mindset. We are very much mood reactive people so if you are stressed or feeling down then he will pick up on that and it will affect him. In the same sense if he is feeling empty or depressed which is quite common with BPD in bad times it will make him much worse and potentially he will split on you.

Something which might be worth mentioning to him which is something I do, is to try and think about everything using your brain, i.e. think rationally and try to ignore the emotional response to things. It is not easy at all but I have found I can cope a bit better when I do this. I also now refuse to make any brash or quick decisions when I know I am in an emotional state or in a state of devaluing someone as I know the emotions are not really my own but a substance of my upbringing. Talking to someone with BPD when they are having a bit of an emotional crisis or a bad day can literally be like talking to a 5 year old. They need things literally spelling out, we also sometimes say things which in our own head mean something completely different to how they are interpreted. Set boundaries for serious issues, but if you find yourself getting annoyed by something he does that is relatively harmless then for now it might be best just to bite your tongue and go along with it.

Hope that is somewhat helpful, feel free to ask anything else, obviously I understand things more from the BPD persons point of view where as others here will understand your side much better than I do.