Meeting with UBDP mom, T, and I, how do I prepare?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi all so mom's T wants me and my uBPD mom to meet with her together. This is so that they can make a better treatment plan as my mom has been lying to her about her suicidal tendencies, etc. I am so nervous as she has no idea that the meeting is probably going to be a sort of intervention. How do I prepare? How do I keep myself emotionally strong and safe? Has anyone else done this? If so, how did it turn out?

[Anonymoose100]

Hi all so mom's T wants me and my uBPD mom to meet with her together. This is so that they can make a better treatment plan as my mom has been lying to her about her suicidal tendencies, etc. I am so nervous as she has no idea that the meeting is probably going to be a sort of intervention. How do I prepare? How do I keep myself emotionally strong and safe? Has anyone else done this? If so, how did it turn out?

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Anonymoose100,

I know it's a potentially terrifying thought to be there with your mom, isn't it? I'm so glad that you want to keep yourself safe! That's probably the most important thing. 

Now, what to do about the meeting. A thought I have is that were I in your place, I would need to take a step back and ask myself what do you and the T hope to accomplish at the meeting? Will you be able to talk with the T ahead of time to get an idea of what the agenda is? It would also be a great time to say that you have a need to stay emotionally safe while in this meeting.

Is it possible that the meeting will not be confrontational but rather a planning session for the next steps? You won't be going over all your past hurts in the short time you have, so I think that might settle your heart and fear a bit. What do you think the objective will be?

 
Wools

[Anonymoose100]

Thanks Wools,

I am going to meet with T beforehand. The agenda I think is going to be to find a way to make a safety plan and address ubpdm's drinking. I just don't anticipate it going well, I feel pretty sure mom's going to deny all of it and put it back on me.

[Methuen]

Hi Anonymoose

I'm actually pretty hopeful for you.

The positives:
1) Your mom is seeing a T
2) I'm making an assumption your mom has agreed to this, as I can't imagine a T setting this up without your mom's support (since either she or her insurance is probably paying for it...?)
3) The T is meeting with you before the 3-way meeting with your mom, so you will have an opportunity to share what you need to, and make a plan for the 3-way meeting.

Wow.

Amazing.  I mean, I put this out as an option a few times over my life, and my mom slammed that door shut hard every time.  So I see it as a positive that this is moving ahead for you.

I'm going to supportWools suggestion to let the T know that it is important for you to feel emotionally safe at this first meeting.  

As nervous as you are, I'm wondering if it's possible your mom is also nervous, as there's a lot at stake for her, and I'm assuming she's agreed to this meeting...As an outsider looking in, I can't imagine her not having some apprehension (unless I am reading the situation altogether wrong).

In the meantime, don't look back or ruminate (at past hurts), and don't worry about the future (what will happen at the meeting or after the meeting), just live in the present moment, and take good care of yourself between now and then (self-care).

How do I prepare?

1) self-care
2) know what you hope to realistically achieve from this
3) you will have limited time in the session prior to the 3 way meeting, so maybe consider having a few main points prepared (written down) ahead of time about what you want to say to enlighten her on your side of the situation

Keep us posted on how the meeting went .