FP Advice

[fptoabf]

My fiancé was recently diagnosed with BPD. Since then I have been reading about the condition. What I didn't realize was I am his FP. However most of the articles I have read make this position seem romanticized. It sounds warm and fuzzy and rewarding. It infuriates me how nice they make it sound. It's actually a very difficult position to be in for me. I have my own diagnoses and he knows how to push my buttons when he wants to. He tests my limits to see how far my loyalty will go and while I know this is a BPD trait, it is really overwhelming. We have been on and off for about 5 years and although I love him with all my heart I often struggle with the stress his behaviors put me under. I am searching for answers on how to be a supportive FP while also setting boundaries with him.

Short summary: I'm an FP to my fiancé and our relationship is rocky. I want to be able to set boundaries with him while also being conscious of what he needs. Advice?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi  fptoabf, and

i think a good place to start is from a point of acceptance that a diagnosis of BPD is earth shattering, and this is going to involve some rocky roads. it can be a serious lifeline, but things can also get worse before they get better. realistic expectations are critical. the role you play/can play, is critical.

some questions that will help:

forgive me, but what does FP stand for?

what are you looking to set boundaries around?

[fptoabf]

hi once removed,

FP stands for favorite person. Essentially who the person with BPD attaches themselves to most. With this comes what feels like, to me, a lot of responsibility. I want to be as supportive as possible but his behavior can get very out of hand and I'm not sure how to draw the line and step away without triggering feelings of abandonment. My hope is to set boundaries so that I can spend time outside of our relationship (he is very introverted and stays home a lot, doesn't want to be without me, I am very social and have a large friend group), and have the chance to take care of my own mental health. My attempts to do so have resulted in a lot of angry outbursts and fighting. Thanks for the reply!